This guy. This guy gets it!

Fucking beach? They've got a beach just for fucking?! And dorks are allowed there?!! *sound of car engine roaring to life, tires squealing*

Liar.

Candyman did frighten me the first time I saw it, or more accurately, it very deeply disturbed me. The formidable monster wasn't the source of my profound discomfort, nor was the grisly way he dispatched his victims. No, it was the fact of the grim, gritty, grotesquely inhuman housing project. The film made shockingly…

Brian Regan isn't just the best "clean" comic working today, he just might be the best comic working today, period. I loved George Carlin, Bill Hicks and Mitch Hedberg and that type of cerebral comedy, and I love Amy Shumer and Maria Bamford and their more theatrical style, but Regan's semi manic mannerisms hit me in…

I know I'm not the only one who understands exactly what he's attempting to communicate. His metaphor is a bit inverted in that the screaming hordes at Comic-Con are not the ones being massacred as in an actual genocide, but rather are the ones massacring his sanity. The hyperactive, obsessive/compulsive devotion and…

"We already know everything important about Pluto: God made it."

Knowledge for knowledge's sake is a supremely valid and worthwhile motive for any and all exploration. The expansion of our understanding of the universe is a primal imperative that's simply beyond the scope of logic or rationality, and so there's no more compelling argument to be made for space exploration than it's…

So, Pluto is not misshapen and homely after all, and is actually quite fetching. Aren't you all now sorry that you didn't ask Pluto out on a date when you had the chance? Hmmph.

That's your cryptic response to most things. Hmmph.

It's the little things that kill ya.

I bet that not even half way through that fucking moronic statement he realized just how fucking moronic the rest of the statement was, but being the dedicated professional that he is he just powered on through, for us, his adoring fans.

One of 'em has an orbital plane that's all a kilter from the rest of the planets, like 15 degrees tilted or something. I dunno, I don't get out there that much anymore.

Is it because Pluto is believed to be much much younger than the actual 8 planets and was not formed from dust and particles existing in our solar system, but rather was captured intact—already formed—by the Sun's gravity? Or is it just a size thing? Asking for a friend.

Oh, don't you kid yourself. Donald's into it, waaaaay into it. But he's using Mickey to make Daffy jealous. It's a sick love triangle that crosses all kinds of boundaries.

Yes, they should have a monthly or even weekly segment on Colbert's Late Show where Bill Nye and Neil Degrasse Tyson each inflict intense suffering upon the other through nefarious, twisted applications of pure science. At the end of the first year the one who has fewer disabling injuries is proclaimed the Official…

That second something is deeply offensive and uncalled for. Hmmph.

Yes, Seinfeld has ruined me for all other stand up comic based sitcoms, as well as for actual life. Reality it just a pathetically sad imitation of Seinfeld.

Aw, I saw what did there.

While drinking rye. Hmmph.