At one time I worked in the porn industry, until my debilitating wheat allergy interrupted by blossoming career as a plumper.

Yes, the 4.7% of the population who actually are afflicted with gluten sensitivity are very appreciative of the irrational hysteria which has gripped the other 95.3%. Hmmph.

Its poo. The correct pronoun for an animal—especially an animal that licks its own asshole and scrotum—is its, as in: Donald Trump licks its own asshole and scrotum thrice a day.

Capella Online University is now 97% gluten free!

The rapidly accelerating decline and dissolution of the United States as well as of most of the Western World in terms of cultural viability perhaps is a grandly theatrical spectacle, but I don't think I'd describe it as awesome. Pathetic, sad. tedious, tragic, uninspiring, and maybe even profoundly worrisome come…

What all you indignant, self satisfied unsophisticated haters so pathetically, so tragically fail to grasp is that Mr. Adam Sandler's oeuvre has been one big, long, massive, well planned, masterfully executed stunt, a prolonged prank upon the status quo, upon all the oblivious, tedious, unwitting stooges of the grimly…

Anyone who criticized you for owning or living in household containing a Mac is very likely the type of person who today is defending states' right to fly the Confederate flag. Hmmph.

I think what's ridiculous is that we're still hoping, vainly, that the internet will come through and serve us up something, anything worthwhile. I'm starting to seriously think the internet is not as clever—or great—as this regular AV Club feature would have us believe. Hmmph.

Perhaps Carl's greatest comedic achievement is his own son, Rob Reiner, before whom we all must bow down in solemn reverence for having bestowed upon this unworthy wretched world the divine creation that is This is Spinal Tap. None funnier.

Ah, I see what you did there!

He's a monster. A monster worse than… you guessed it, Frank Stallone.

With this, his tragic untimely death, he tasks me, he tasks me.

Touching yourself in that place.

Exactly. And it wasn't flown simply in protest of integration, it was displayed in honor of the start of the Civil War. It was deployed as a reminder to all the n*ggers to remember their place, for them to not forget how rough things could be made for them. That flag was raised as an act of aggression and hostility -…

My neighbors routinely get drunk sitting in lawn chairs on their driveway blasting classic rock and contempo country. The cops have been called a couple times, not by me, but those certainly are some persistent suburban hillbillies, and they just ain't ceding no ground to no Union dandies, dadgummit!

Is it harder for a good actors to do the corny, shitty Lifetime style of acting, or is it easier, where they just shut off their higher mental faculties and simply regurgitate the hackneyed dialog with a minimum of subtext, you know, like they do on Game of Thrones? Hmmph.

Ah, you're a completionist.

Eh, Drop Dead… Legs.

Sour cream and chive is a fair to middling douche flavor.

All aboard the Hate Train!! Woo Woo!…