He loves Al Jolson…

'Look, you breathe a word of this, you mincing. Fucking. C*nt. And I will tear your fucking skin off. I will wear it to your mother's birthday party. And I will rub your nuts up & down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian Fucking Rhapsody.'
-Leaked Doctor Who Series 9 script

My Buffalo Bill impression is what got me fired from Bath & Body Works!

Well. Here he…



Is.

Zheah ah hree rhay ngoo geh mheahuh buhhuh ohh zhe hrooh uh yuh maoh.
Zhe huhsh ray, IH hoo gloh ih ohh. Zhish, guhs nah arhayh ruhk.
Zhe shehuhn ray, ih hoo chbih IH ow. Zhish, guhs nah arhayh ruhk.
She chuh rhay, IH too hayhg IH oh rhih yuhr chinguh, this always works.

Its thinking like that led to 18 hobbit movies.

They should do an adaptation of Halloween 2005, where I tried to hit on this girl Helen, her dad Troy threw me out, I tried to sneak back into the party with my buddy Patrick Cleese in one of those 2-person horse costumes, started a big fight, got kicked out, wandered home drunk all night while running into 3 street…

But… This is Troy.

It's stuck in the 4th ring of Development Hell.

That worm that killed Boba Fett?

Yes, yes, we know he was trained by Freud.

If there is not already an extant ream of Gaslight Batman vs Carol Dancers fan fiction, I'll give you $200.
(The bet's rigged. I wrote it.)

[Drunk, Disheveled, Crazy-Eyed Bobcat Golthwait bursts in with a shotgun]
Merry Christmas, everybody!

Now ICU812

Vampires as analogous to the Sicilian mafia, with 'Widows Peak Vlads' for 'Mustache Petes' and the phrase 'A legitimate Hungarian Businessman with a garlic allergy & hereditary light-sensitivity and anemia'?

Wait, is Miike directing that or just producing?

Can You Smell What Pierre Menard is Cookin?!

My 2nd favorite spider-related Scarlett Johanson role.

SPIDERS ARE A BENEFICIAL PART OF THE CITY'S ECOSYSTEM! THEY MITIGATE BLOODBORNE DISEASE BY REDUCING THE MOSQUITO POPULATION AND SOME OFTHE WEB NESTS IN THE PARK ARE SIMPLY MAJESTIC! I WON'T HAVE THEIR REPUTATION SLANDERED BY MOVIES LIKE THIS OR THAT MENACE SPIDER-MAN!
ROBBIE, CALL FRANK MARSHAL AND TELL HIM HE'S FIRED!

Most toilets don't have spiders in them.
What this movie presupposes is:
What if they did?!