I saw Valerian and it was so bad. Actually I take that back, the first 10-15 minutes are pretty poetic and visually impressive. The plot is totally nonsensical (but we all knew that didn't we) and it commits the cardinal sin of being just fucking boring. The dialogue, characters, set design, costuming, it's Fifth…

I figured something was up because Albert was surprised/intently watching Diane mouth the numbers to the coordinates

Khia: "My Neck, My Back"

"Well folks, hope you enjoyed the entirety of the Hotline Miami soundtrack, before that we had the seminal track 'Maggot Brain' by Funkadelic and before that, the always effervescent 'Disorder' by Joy Division, RIP Ian. And now, here's 'The Humpty Dance' on repeat for an hour!"

Dude's got the best hair in the biz (any biz)

"Liberty for degenerates" sounds pretty dope

*looks at clock*
*looks at timestamp*
*thumbs up*

Rewarding hard work seems pretty quaint these days.

Back in my day we cared about whose ass it was and why it was thonging

I liked it a lot although my boyfriend found it dull; then again I think he was expecting like a full musical of "Stop The Planet Of The Apes I Want To Get Off" (which, why isn't that a thing yet?)

Ohhh, Wordplay was so creepy

I didn't notice it but at the time I was thinking "wow, has Rebekah del Rio somehow gotten even better at singing?" She was hitting the notes with this hyperreal clarity of tone, almost like a tuning fork. Sort of spooky. So when I read recaps and people were mentioning autotune I was like, "ah". I think it worked…

Well, when a lot of the women are just there to get abused/murdered/fetishised in order to make a point on how gross the bad dudes are, that's also not… great.

The sex scene reminded me of the sex scene from Mulholland Drive in that it managed to somehow be both damn funny and genuinely romantic

Yeah this looks dire, it's getting the The Giver treatment where it's taking an introspective, philosophical novel and giving it standard "only YOU can save the world!" plot beats

I wish they were known as the face of the Seattle hip hop scene instead of freaking Mackelmore

The actors kind of look like the extras in that Twilight Zone episode "Eye of the Beholder". I miss the multicultural hottitude of Fifth Element

I don't want one position I want all positions!

The Tick Segerblom: not all heroes wear capes

Def giving me Dr. Rockso vibes