…who is talking to a porn actress.

Do any of them even watch this show? I imagine its existence drives most of them nuts; actually watching an episode would make their heads explode.

Well, it's no surprise he could get his daughter a job; he is Windemere Hankin, the Mayor of Television.

When I saw my arch-conservative dad in January he whined how mean and sexist liberals were to Sarah Palin and I was like "are you fucking kidding me." Well, those were my thoughts, but my actual words were more succinct: "Conservatives and Hillary Clinton?"

Pfft, that sounds like "context."

She's in her "only allowed to be an object of desire if the movie is explicitly about her being a MILF" phase, apparently.

I was friends with a guy in college who said he didn't like the Beatles because "I don't like their sound." I probably should have stopped hanging out with him then, but instead, I was too baffled by the reference to "their sound" as a monolithic style that stretched across everything they ever recorded to act on that…

Shit, man, the Beatles and Big Star wrote some of the best, most beautiful, and extremely simple and straightforward pop. I doubt you will find any hipsters shitting on Please Please Me or #1 Record as "shallow teenage girl music," though. (I mean, I'm sure you can, because you can find anything hard if you look…

By far the best part of being over thirty is being secure in your tastes and not giving a shit about the opinions of people whose opinions don't matter to you, so if you aren't getting THAT, at least, you're fucking up.

Looks like he's auditioning to replace Telly Savalas in those Players' Club commercials.

You've heard of bass in your face? Well, we've got bass in your ass!

I mean, The Bends is 20 years old. I know people who were born when it came out who are old enough to be bald, if they drew a short genetic straw.

I don't know why you expected a joke; I'm pretty sure Walken takes literally every part he's offered nowadays.

It's funny, because I totally agree with you, yet I hate Girls. Not because I think those characters would realistically be doing anything different… I just hate stories about privileged New York narcissists in any form. (It's one of the big reasons I've never been able to get into a lot of literary fiction,…

Saw a preview of this last night between The Nightly Show and @midnight and… yes, yes, there will be.

Plus, Twitter was founded in 2006. Four years is an eternity in social media time. Twitter is older than the iPhone.

I don't want to pitch people on something they hate, but they've really got weed down to a science these days. To the point where they can identify which compounds in it are likely to cause anxiety, and can recommend strains that are unlikely to have those effects (weed is two different species, after all).

"Seasons 10 through 12 at least makes up for by being funny. A good half of all quotable Simpsons jokes come from those three seasons, which is a better batting average than the entire show up to that point, including the Golden Era."

You had many lonely Saturday nights in the early 90s, too?!

Wow, he's an even better actor than I thought!