As I recall from bloom county, Lucas was decapitated when he announced the 15 year gap. No great loss. I mean, Vader meets Obi-Wan, turns evil, becomes a robot, has some kids - there's no way they could pad that story out to three films.

He has a name, you racist dicks. It's Ponda Baba, and he's never even seen a walrus.

You got irresponsibility on my alcoholism!

Words rarely spoken: "fuck you scorcese."

Jesus, look: the entertainment industry has NO obligation to do anything other than entertain. They don't have to cure cancer, they just have to funnel money into outdated technology while we keep the myth alive that physical media have intrinsic value and that the notion of "making it" with a record contract is…

Truly this witticism makes my own thoughts on the subject seem like the ranting of an illiterate wog. (I would have dashed to something like "mother, you have curly black hair" without even considering the possibility that the women in the photo were filthy and unintelligible.) Kudos are due, not censure.

Wait, I don't get… Oh, I see, you're reproducing speech patterns with text. Brilliant! Your interpretation of that photo of the black ladies is the very essence of wit: concise, precise, and decisive. After a century of pretenders a true heir has arisen to the throne of Oscar Wilde. Well done. I can only assume that…

Whatever, dude. Just because Tom waits has been producing good or great material for nearly four decades doesn't mean we have to acknowledge him. This is America! And apparently we have someone called Adele who we all love.

I liked "what if Phoenix hadn't died," where dark Phoenix brainwashes the xmen into crucifying professor x.

Apart from the usual delight that I experience when people rail against cultural institutions as though anything shy of a terrifying cultural-revolution-esque shift would unseat them from our collective thought structure, I find special glee in the fact that this holiday in particular has spent more than a century…

Doubt anyone's reading this, but my wife pointed out that the dialogue in the massacre scene didn't line up with the dead girl's description of the event on Halloween. No one in this episode is aske if they believe in god prior to being shot. Are we to assume that the dead girl conflates her own memory with stuff she…

I believe there's an old Conan show where he does just that, with predictably smoldering results. Sadly I'm at work so I can't get a link. I will now gtfo.

I have found my life's work: to invent a rumor of a lost project that will replace the clown movie in the collective mind of the Internet. Maybe a suppressed rough cut of a film where river Phoenix plays a bestiality bottom? An inexplicable Michael Jackson project wherein he plays both a neo nazi and a street smart…

Simple: no one on the Internet has actually seen a Jerry Lewis movie. For people below a certain age his legacy exists solely in jokes about the day the clown died, his telethons, and krusty the clown's percodan addiction.

Fart jokes shit. I appreciate that.

At the risk of being a dick, is a flashing sign really necessary? I mean, this isn't lord of the rings, which is deadly serious.

So does the new owner just sit around in the dark, or did she replace the chandeliers and sconces with those hanging arc-lights they use in garages? Y'know, being an auto heiress and all.

You could probably get through four corman movies on a long afternoon if you were inclined. They all come in under ninety minutes, and they go down pretty smooth. Of course, other people may not want to spen their afternoons that way.

No, that was boy scouts in the hood unless I'm mistaken.

I was startled when I picked up a children's book version of raiders of the lost ark in my grammar school library and discovered that they had removed the curse words. There were only about ten words to a page, but not a "god damn" among them.