He was so much better in the Trapper John seasons.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE LEFT-BEHINDERS!

"No Air (And Not Because Chris Brown Is Choking Me)"

This is an X-parrot.

"Fat-bottomed champions bite the dust under pressure called love. Can anybody find me Flash (ah-ahh)? Get on your bikes and ride my best friend."

#NOESKIMO

I got a Caesar Romero Google Alert for THIS?

So, you were havin' sex with the little fellow, then.

"This is Jack, reminding Meg to SHUT UP!"

It's called "resting bitchface."

You had me at opens mouth.

Jack White is the bastard child of Johnny Depp and John Mayer.

Pfft. PEOPLE.

The answer is none. None more black.

I don't see Jack White scoring a lot of "touchdowns."

And enough with the hair dye. If white hair is good enough for Nick Lowe, it's good enough for all of us.

Murder that Vagina, she sang.

Being for the benefit of Mr. McCartney, there will be no show tonight.

Godzilli

When Harry Met Sally… but with assholes.