Do people still post firsties?

Maybe they still haven't filled the HBO CEO of Cocks position.

But where's the bear? :(

I just assumed Megan likes to shop at Macy's.

I could still find a way to leave this on the carpet for my dad to step on.

Spock, go tell Scotty I want this mirror fixed NOW.

Slight correction: "tips on how to become an AC-tore."

"Innocent".

Why does everyone assume he was putting his tongue in her vagina?  Plenty of options down there.

And just like calculus, I did it a lot in high school, but hardly see the usefulness of it as an adult.

Hey, not being fully self-actualized is no fucking joke.

Hey, asshole. A crevasse is a crack in ICE.  A crack in rock is called a CREVICE.  Fucking get it straight.

"Is that the South African national anthem?"

BUT WERE THE VICTIMS JUSTIN BEIBER FANS?!!

Lena Dunham, ladies and gentlemen.

I was lucky enough to get into that Radiohead benefit show for Haiti a few years back.  2nd row.  Experience totally ruined by some idiot holding her goddamn phone two inches in front of my face the entire time.  Thanks, technology.

This is going to be the best eight months of Jimmy Fallon's life.

Someone please sneak into this asshole's parents' basement and put a bloodied Twilight Sparkle head under his comforter.

He's been a little testy ever since Taylor Swift gave him herpes.

Keep in mind that the Governor put a dental pick right next to the speculum…