Keyser Soze?

It's Fab.

…said the man who apparently doesn't partake of "I fucked (not) my mother" porn sites.

Bar Refaeli is an actress?

Always Be Cobbling.

If Calvin & Hobbes taught me anything it is that Snow Goons Are Bad News.

Good night Chet.

Can't it be in a shared universe with Ghostbusters? Like, the store is haunted or something? And we could get a list of the Top 10 Ghosts? See, this shit just writes itself.

Well, a PART of his life passes before his eyes, the last year or so. People would pay good money to see the Tower of Joy pass before his eyes.

Now, Internet, it's up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare
minimum. Well, like AOL, for example, has 37 pieces of flair. And a
terrific smile.

I used to love Ghostbusters, but now goddamn the stuff.

The mountain the von Trapps cross at the end of the movie is south of Salzburg. So they're not headed to Switzerland, but to Germany; specifically into the area containing Berchtesgaden, the location of Hitler's country house. Nice navigating there Captain von Trapp. Stick to U-boats.

Cahnt we have one Newswire that doesn't end with us burying a corpse?

There's no such thing as the Byzantine Empire. The capital of the Roman Empire was moved from Italy to the Bosphorus in 330. Provinces in the western part of the empire changed hands or were lost over the next several hundred years, but there is total political continuity from the founding of the republic in 509 BC to…

"split acetate 10-inch"

Did KC not leave any money to his parents? Such that they're now compelled to try this pathetic exercise? I mean, half a mil' for a $100k house, I don't give a shit who lived there as a child.

Bloodstains not as visible as on linoleum.

the kind of trampoline where if you jumped on it, you would … die.

In a coating of gold or a coating of red,
A bathtub still has claws.

Fun fact - last Thursday was the 200th anniversary of Napoleon's escape from Elba.