I ask where the tits and cocaine are on every show.
Why, just the other day I was watching Lawrence Welk with my grandmother at the retirement home and asked it. 
You could literally have "The Tits and Cocaine Show" and I'd still ask it. 
I'm addicted to both, you see?

Well, I guess it's not really "to me", but my mom.

BUP BUP!

[SINGS "CENTER FIELD" BY JOHN FOGERTY]

KAKOW!

WOO! These three together have yet to disappoint.

Or the Rugrats Movie, featuring Tommy Pickles.

That's just he and Tom Waits slowly becoming the same person.

I know, man. What if the real gangster squad was inside your heart the whole time?

Just as I suspected: a squad of gangsters.

Will Joss Whedon legalize gay marriage?

This isn't Dawes. This is Circle.

Hey, that was cool. I should have known that when I saw it was on Hydra Head, though.

Urrong.

According to the L. Cat statute of '03, no you cannot has cheezburger…fatty.

This all makes me feel very happy and old and a variety of other feelings, but I'm mainly trying to figure out how the hell Gwen is contorting her body like that in the above picture. Either that or her boobs are just located in wacky places on her torso.

I take notes every time the commercial comes on. Trying to do a close-reading so I can prepare for fuck time just like Samuel L Jackson does.

I've actually read those! I feel cool now.

Can I jacket anyway?

Shit! Sorry, Ms. Hill. I apologize for my whiteness.