Red Letter News is nothing special, really. If you ever went to State Street Arcade before it closed, you've seen Red Letter News.

[laughs maniacally; drives street sweeper into subway entrance]

I had a Shuffle for two years and enjoyed it greatly. Sure, it would have been nice to be able to find whatever track I wanted easily, and my boyfriend always flaunted his Nano at me, but since the Shuffle had like 10x the battery life of the Nano, I didn't mind. Also, I could drop it without fear, hang it…

You see, one million is big, but one billion is bigger.

Sports Night didn't get cancelled until his character was long gone — if that counts. It probably doesn't.

I hate von Trier too, though it's not technically his fault that I had to watch Dancer in the Dark in film class immediately after my Hebrew class finished watching that movie about Chana Senesh getting tortured and executed by the Nazis. That was a real winner of a day.

I hate your friend.

i cheated a little
The first one was a person's name, and I decided that was lame. So we are:

Or like New Prague (prayyyyyyyg), MN, or New Berlin (BURR-ln), WI.

It's so weird to agree with Lobsters, but: fuck Flannery O'Connor! I live about 4 miles from her farm and teach in an English program that also houses the Flannery O'Connor Review, and ARGH. She wrote some good stories. She did not save the souls of all mankind or consecrate the soil of the town with her holiness. I…

This doesn't beat Auschwitz, but over Valentine's Day I get to stay in our crappy town and go to work while my boyfriend goes to a fun exciting conference I would also like to go to, in a city I love and he doesn't care about.

I agree with you completely.

(hums "Cannonball")

Also their tinkering with magazine format — for instance, that issue that came in the form of a bag of junk mail.

I must have tuned in after that sketch, but here is my new standard of evaluation: Was it less funny than the sketch with Kristen Wiig and Neil Patrick Harris as air traffic controllers with really long fingernails?

It's a start, mbs! Take it from there, and don't miss "Monologue about Bermuda."

They drew me too many arms!

Berman
Maybe he got tired of being hospitalized for approaching perfection.

Oh! I had entirely forgotten Cam Jansen! I still love Danny Dunn and am amazed there are others on this hipster d-bag site who know those books (did your parents save all their Weekly Reader books from their '50s childhoods too?). Danny Dunn and the Anti-Gravity Paint was the best one (space fiddle!), but I'd totally…

I liked your story, though, for reals.