True story: I used to have Englebert Humperdink's home phone number (The real number. I called him there.)

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@avclub-d72f705337e5adcf7e33ec0381c5f5b2:disqus It's called "Sherlock Holmes' War of the Worlds" by Manly Wade and Wade Wellman. (Those are NOT made-up names.)
In the book, Holmes is giving Mrs. Hudson the ol' blue carbuncle if you know what I mean…

Do NOT read the pastiche where Holmes gets involved in H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds"….

I would add "The Seven Percent Solution," "Without a Clue" and "Murder by Decree."

I don't get the Chris Columbus hate myself. At worst, I think he's been adequate when people were hoping for more (The Harry Potter movies, for which I still think he provided a strong start, Rent, etc.) but I just wanted to give fair warning for those who would see the name and groan.
Columbus did write "Gremlins" but…

I would nominate the Nicholas Meyer novels and Phillip Jose Farmer's Holmes/Tarzan novel if you can like Holmes portrayed irreverently.

It was on Netflix streaming last time I checked so you can check it out for free but note that it was directed by pre-the-Internet-hates-him Chris Columbus.

Reginald Havertooth

Rex Stout, creator of Nero Wolfe, had a theory that Watson was really a woman. Add that to the pan-sexual mix.

Why leave out Christopher Plummer and Michael Caine?

I didn't know that.
And I'm afraid to ask why you do….

And they said the actress who played Cousin It would never work again…

But she won't do that…..

This is more making me think of the creepy scene in Crumb where brother Crumb is swallowing the long white cloth.

I don't know about all these women but I hear the one with the nice asp gives great copper-head.
I'm really just repeating rumors though so I hope you won't get rattled if I'm wrong. I'm not exactly a serpent to the truth.

You never got my text…?

Scoff at the snake sucking but you have to admit, that's a pretty freaking solid cast right there.

Quit bragging!

There's also cheerleader, lipstick lesbian and dead wife/girlfriend/daughter to motivate the hero. Or non-Halle-Berry Catwoman.