"Old man take a look at your life, I'm a lot like you are."

Every time he tries to book shows in the South some promoter just tells him "A real Southern man don't need you around, anyhow…"

Yeah, they play at the Moda Center(formerly the Rose Garden Arena) where Neil Young usually plays. Though they aren't playing a pre-season game that night—though this Neil Young tour looks like more medium sized venues as it is.

Chiles Center is a weird venue for him to play in Portland—I can't remember any other bands ever playing there(it's the University of Portland's basketball arena), though maybe that was the only venue available on that date.

Well, everyone knows Neil Young died at a Lionel Trains convention in the late 1990s. What this tour presupposes is… maybe he didn't?

Remember when sitcoms used to always have one big episode that revolved around a fire? I remember old episodes of a lot of 70s/80s shows where there was a semi-traumatic event when a fire that burned the home or some other beloved location of the characters. I remember episodes of Who's the Boss, Cheers, All In The…

A sad Joe Piscopo waits by the phone with his fingers crossed.

He was pissed that one of the re-tweeted jokes was just a full verse of "Silent Lucidity".

Did they ever!

Sounds like the time I saw Bachman Turner Overdrive at the county fair.

It's really all a misunderstanding that's the fault of @ObeseBrit and @TubbyOttomanTurk.

A fat Jew borrowing jokes? Don't worry, I'm sure he paid interest on them at least…

I remember when this came out there was a Chris Rock show(when he had show on HBO), where he had Spike Lee as a guest…and he joked about how if Spike wanted a hit, he needed a theme song where they repeated the title of the movie over and over again like Will Smith did.

They released Etta James - "At Last" (Reindeer Games 2000 Hiphop Remix featuring Nate Dogg)

That was the greatest lost opportunity for a reality show ever. Could have been as good as Steven Seagal: Lawman.

Why, is she not a cunt tomorrow?

She's like an even more deadly Daredevil!

"We need some extraordinary women! Get me Florence Nightingale, Susan B. Anthony, Marie Curie, Sacajawea, and Hellen Keller! They're the only ones who can complete this mission."

On the plus side robot bartenders are really bad at detecting when I've had too much to drink, so usually they don't cut me off like human bartenders…

The only solution is take out those eggheads at MIT—with an army of robots!