No, no, you're doing Ray's part now.

Do not write another Newswire with Kring from Heroes. No one knows who Kring is. It would be a waste of time to talk about Kring on the AV Club. NO. MORE. KRING.

Disqualified. THERE IS NO SOUTH DETROIT.

Oh, I'm not saying you can't do a lot worse. I mean, Massachusetts has been home to some of the best bands of the last 50 years, and here we are with freaking Aerosmith.

Nah. Some people don't like Johnny Cash.

"Albuquerque" by… ah, fuck it, just go with the "Breaking Bad" theme song.

"Sure, our music is vapid, fussy, and frequently actively annoying, but look at this guy! He's pretty good at hitting a drum!"

The Police are pretty bad, though! Their music is pretty bad for the most part. Sorry you had to hear about it this way.

I didn't say they didn't go back to it. I just feel like there were a few years in there where they got out of their own way, dropped the gimmicks (mostly) and actually made some good songs. But this particular song, with its full-on character singing and obnoxious lyrics, is from well before that time. Yes, I might…

"Twee" how so? "Twee" to me is bands like Heavenly or Belle and Sebastian or the Field Mice — bands with more real stuff to say and more pop songcraft than Wayne Coyne could muster on his best day.

I've heard of the album where they put 1/4 of it on each of four discs. I haven't heard of "Clouds Taste Metallic," but conversely, this is a band that titled something "Clouds Taste Metallic."

Because people all over the country like Tom Petty. (If anything, I'd associate him more with LA than Florida — though I know he's from there.) Whereas people from Long Island (where I was born) have a weirdly inflated sense of Billy Joel's importance, in the same way that Floridians seem to regard Jimmy Buffett as a…

I don't like this precedent. If New York (or at least Long Island) gets Billy Joel, then Florida is going to end up with Jimmy Buffett by the same reasoning. Now, I didn't like growing up in Florida, but there are some things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

Be realistic. You're Nova Scotia. You can make your preferences, but the masses are going to settle on Sloan anyway, so you might as well make the best of it.

Nope. Sorry. You get the Notorious L.I.N.C.O.L.N.

Or you could just do "Tally Ho." I mean, realistically speaking, that would probably win a vote, right?

Sorry, Western Massachusetts. You get the Pixies' "UMASS," though. If you want it.

Or if you wanted a much more optimistic-sounding take on roughly the same process, why not go with Frank Black's "Ole Mulholland?"

I was about to post "Two States," because clearly, the state song should be a song that advocates breaking up the state.

I was just about to make that point. Great song, probably not likely to foster civic pride.