Fact check: I just remembered that I've been the only person in the theater twice in my life. Once in 1986, for Off Beat. A second time in 2005, for 49 Up. Which is actually a brilliant movie, so it was sad that no one showed up.

A thief stole your bike while North was stealing your heart.

With shoplifting (or maybe crime in general), you feel so sneaky, clever, and invulnerable if you get away with it a few times…but then you feel like the dumbest motherfucker on earth once you get caught. Can't believe I took such a risk for a CD…can't believe I thought no one could catch me, 10-year-old master thief…

Having seen Off Beat in the theater clearly makes me awesome, as well as old.

I'm no lawyer, but violating a movie theater's outside food policy is clearly not stealing. Unless you stole the food from somewhere else, I guess. It should be illegal for movie theaters to prevent you from eating your own snacks, if you ask me.

I once used the sneaking-across-the-hallway trick to see Labyrinth, and then Off Beat (= extremely dumb 80s Judge Reinhold comedy). It was both the only time I've snuck into a movie, and the only time I was the only person in the whole theater (for Off Beat).

This story would be better if the drunken idiot actually was Corey Hart.

Don't have a cow, man.

Yeah, this isn't a story about "when safety concerns become totally absurd." It seems to be the (much sleazier) story of an administration trying to get rid of a perceived troublemaker, with the flimsiest of pretexts.

I was just free-associating on the theme of "odd comments I've received from T-shirts I used to wear." Not suggesting that my school was especially bad. My high school years were smooth sailing, more or less…but if you were a Goth kid who wore eyeliner to my school, then your life would be a living hell.

I was called a f*g for wearing a Hüsker Dü t-shirt…just because those words ain't English, and if it ain't English, then it must be the language of f*gs. (Ironically, the sexual orientation of the band members wasn't the issue.)

In high school I used to wear my Holiday in Cambodia shirt all the time (hanged man getting hit with a chair). Some sanctimonious Britta types used to get on my case, and I would tell them to fuck off. 20 years later, I think they had a point: that's a pretty fucked-up image.

Thanks for the update. I'll pay closer attention to the show from now on.

I've missed some episodes, so I have a dumb question: is it true that Stan's and Elizabeth/Philip's stories are completely unrelated at this point, and that it's just a coincidence (as far as we know) that Mr. FBI lives next door to Mr. and Mrs. KGB?

The old bluesman Bo Carter should be mentioned here, as the master of the food-based single entendre, e.g., "Please Warm My Wiener," "Your Biscuits Are Big Enough for Me," "Let Me Roll Your Lemon," and "Banana in Your Fruit Basket."

I'm not sure what you're asking. There are plenty of male guitarists who can only play rhythm or bass guitar. Why aren't they all lead guitarists?

Sure, women and men have different musculature…and it's not necessarily sexist to factor in the difference as we try to figure out why there aren't many women lead guitarists. Still, I think it's a bad explanation. Anyone can play the guitar! The difference between great, good, and shitty guitarists has little to…

I've run across a number of Youtube videos with titles like "Girl Shreds on Guitar!!!" As if a girl who can play guitar is as astounding as a cat riding a bicycle. And of course, all the comments say, "you rock…and you're so pretty!"

The Detroit Cobras and the Slits. I pondered this for awhile: that's all I can think of. (Heart, maybe? technically?)

It was mentioned in a season 1 episode. I don't know if cancer smells terrible, but the implication was that Hannibal can do something that normal humans can't.