Why the fuck can't we talk about Movies without you dizzy shits talking about the fucking Oscars? Get outta here!

Why the fuck shouldn't Renee Zellweger Direct a Movie? What is so OUTRAGEOUS about an Actress who has worked on a bunch of Movies in her career deciding to Direct one herself? Aren't you being a little sexist here, Mister O'Neal? You know who should be Directing a Movie? Sean O'Neal! Cause Sean O'Neal knows fucking…

Why the fuck shouldn't Renee Zellweger Direct a Movie? What is so OUTRAGEOUS about an Actress who has worked on a bunch of Movies in her career deciding to Direct one herself? Aren't you being a little sexist here, Mister O'Neal? You know who should be Directing a Movie? Sean O'Neal! Cause Sean O'Neal knows fucking…

Today at work this fine young Asian Med Student chick was walking around in high heels and the black ladies behind the Nursing Station were watching me looking at her legs. I will never hear the end of that.

Today at work this fine young Asian Med Student chick was walking around in high heels and the black ladies behind the Nursing Station were watching me looking at her legs. I will never hear the end of that.

I like Ray Wise in "Robocop", especially when that guy who is turning into a monster from driving a van into a tank of Toxic Waste grabs him groaning "Help . . . me . . . " and Ray makes his "grabbed by a guy who is turning into a monster from driving a van into a tank of Toxic Waste" face.

I like Ray Wise in "Robocop", especially when that guy who is turning into a monster from driving a van into a tank of Toxic Waste grabs him groaning "Help . . . me . . . " and Ray makes his "grabbed by a guy who is turning into a monster from driving a van into a tank of Toxic Waste" face.

Oh, that girl is Samantha Mathis? I LOVED her in "Broken Arrow"! And now we're supposed to make fun of her for being in this? Is everybody here at the very TOP of their profession?

Oh, that girl is Samantha Mathis? I LOVED her in "Broken Arrow"! And now we're supposed to make fun of her for being in this? Is everybody here at the very TOP of their profession?

The Sklar brothers are funny. But "Stand Down" is pretty weak.

The Sklar brothers are funny. But "Stand Down" is pretty weak.

Try coming up with a sensible progressive tax structure.

Try coming up with a sensible progressive tax structure.

When Leno was first starting out in Boston he was performing in some Blues bar when some guy snuck up behind him and conked him on the top of his head with a hammer.

When Leno was first starting out in Boston he was performing in some Blues bar when some guy snuck up behind him and conked him on the top of his head with a hammer.

Dangerfield once did a gig in a dive and horribly bombed. He went to the Manager to get paid and the the bastard waved his hand at the various nickels, dimes, and quarters scattered all over the bar and told Dangerfield he could have it.

Dangerfield once did a gig in a dive and horribly bombed. He went to the Manager to get paid and the the bastard waved his hand at the various nickels, dimes, and quarters scattered all over the bar and told Dangerfield he could have it.

I was doing Stand Up in the East Village and a member of The Misfits decided to kill me when I made a Sammy Hagar joke. I'm not kidding, he really intended to kill me. I had no idea who he was but realized that I really was in trouble when I noticed that EVERYONE in the club was fucking horrified of the guy. The…

I was doing Stand Up in the East Village and a member of The Misfits decided to kill me when I made a Sammy Hagar joke. I'm not kidding, he really intended to kill me. I had no idea who he was but realized that I really was in trouble when I noticed that EVERYONE in the club was fucking horrified of the guy. The…

"Well, it meant a lot to ME!!!"