We're so lame! We don't even dance all that well!

Huh?

Your mom is my date.

There are still plenty of other movies being made, but as it turns out, very few people watch them on the big screen.

Especially considering the size and shape of a flaccid penis has little bearing on the size and shape of an erect penis. I don't see how anyone would get titillated over a photo of a limp dick.

It's really amazing how much shit the Boomers have fucked up.

Ugh. Money should be filmed in landscape, not portrait.

No no. It's Dikachu's account.

You can be my Scottie Pippen anytime.

And they've gotta have their diapers changed constantly!

After they're about three- or four-years-old, you can do that anyway if you're so inclined.

I don't hesitate to point out shitty kids to my kids. I'll say, "See those kids? The ones being little turds? Yeah, don't ever act like that."

I don't discriminate!

My brother had kids long before me, and one time when I visited, his eldest crapped his pants and needed a diaper change. He said to me, "Hey, Puss, want to do an uncle duty?"

I'll be honest with you, I never intended to have kids. It just… happened. I sorta got suckered into the deal.

GUESS WHAT THAT BOOK WAS ABOUT RAISING KIDS

Dr. Seuss wasn't a regular at the Playboy Mansion.

Fortunately, mine are now past the age of secretions.

Mine are pretty cool. But then, I get to raise them by myself and mold them into my image of what kids should be like without any interference from a second party.

Mine is I Hate Kids Except for My Own and They're the Most Awesome People Evar!.