If peein' your pants is cool, then I'm Céline Dion.

I was sitting by a pool simultaneously keeping an eye on my kids, having a cold beer and dicking around on my phone when all of the sudden *splat*. And it was a lot of shit too. That damned bird had been saving up his shit all day just to unleash it in a torrent on some unwitting innocent bystander which happened to…

I got shat on by a crow about three weeks ago if that makes you happy.

What? Cats are terrible pets, milfs are awesome and adults shouldn't drink sodas. Those aren't contrarian opinions. Those are correct opinions.

Who da ho?

Local man has a contrarian opinion he feels it necessary to share. News at 11.

I really don't like that that's in my browser history now.

I wish somebody would think about the children for a change.

In bitcoins.

That's slang for vagina in the UK but is slang for a butt here in the US!

I used to take pride in my comments, but now it's just like a job.

MAGA… MAGneto…

He's from Vancouver.

It turns out, the house itself is an X-man whose mutant powers are being shaped like a mansion and also quick healing.

In an interesting overlap, Ryan Reynolds had also once made love to Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom.

X-Mensions are notoriously easy to rebuild.

And maybe not clad at all!

The place with the porn and the Facebook, gramps.

Do you have to be a young nerd in order to like tightly clad boobies?

"Here's the problem: you have a cat for a pet."