So this is what the Internet has come to: a thirty-something year-old man complaining about a shallow "country" break-up song by an overrated pop star?

Principal Lewis: You know, my life was the inspiration for Diff'rent Strokes.

A lame starring vehicle for the ever-depressing Lily Collins, just like The Host was a lame starring vehicle for Diane Kruger's ego.

And the reaction video to that porn adaptation will be called "The Mortal Instruments: City of Boners."

So far this year, there've been three young adult novel adaptations to arrive to the big screen, and the only one I actually enjoyed (in a campy sort of way) was Beautiful Creatures. I foolishly watched The Host on a plane and it made me wanna gouge my eyes and ears out from sheer pain, and that was just the first…

I have yet to find any person who actually thinks Lily Collins is a beautiful, compelling young actress.

Well, that fucking sucks. I grew up watching Jett Jackson. Such a shame he had to kill himself. R.I.P.

It's irony. Get it?

Does anyone even fucking watch Fish Hooks? Granted, I watched one episode and I couldn't even finish it. The characters are just so damn annoying.

Wait, AVC is actually acknowledging the existence of Phineas and Ferb for fucking once? Well, that's unprecedented…sorta.

Oh God, the beautiful memories.

I would've much rather seen Harrison Ford's character's process through chemotherapy than this stupid "high-stakes" thriller.

I'd rather see that than have to sit through Liam Hemsworth's bland, emotionless shtick over that same amount of time.

I give you an E on your opinion on grading just for the fuck of it.

What the fuck, Mark Millar?!

I can envision thousands of anti-Hanoi Jane comments by angry Republicans on the Yahoo! comment boards as we speak.

DERKA DER!

The ONLY exceptional thing Seth MacFarlane has been or ever will be associated with is American Dad, and he only does the voices.

Jesus Christ, that ending was a punch right in the fucking gut. I haven't felt that much emotion since "Luck of the Fry-rish." Damn you, Futurama writers, for making me cry like a little bitch!

"The first biopic to take a stab at it gets points for ambition, but ultimately feels like a made-for-TV movie mistakenly playing at the multiplex."