Really? You're really gonna have Scooter sing "Moves Like Jagger," a song that was popular two fucking years ago, in a 2014 kid's film? *sigh* I can already tell this movie's gonna suck, at least compared to the 2011 one.

C+s are pretty much trademarked by Dowd at this point. It's either his version of an F (in the case of Elysium) or a "meh" (in the case of Percy WhoGivesACrap).

Oh look, it's that family fantasy-action movie that came out three years ago that nobody saw and somehow managed to get itself a sequel that nobody will end up seeing. I can't wait to hear about the inevitable sequel that'll come out three years later and not see that one either!

Of course she's not gonna flash her tits in the movie. She's way too modest an actress for that. Plus, her role here is pretty much the same bland love interest she always plays, so I think I'll pass.

Will Jason Sudeikis ever catch a break? The guy's a talented actor, but man, does he pick the shittiest roles. He never even got a chance to be funny in Hall Pass and Horrible Bosses. This looks like just another bland comedic train wreck. Oh well, at least he has SNL to fall back on… for now.

If it's not graded with a B or a C+, Dowd isn't involved.

Once again, A.A. slaps another C+ on a highly anticipated blockbuster.

Great episode. And the ending was fucking killer. When Ice King tells you that you blew it, you know you fucking blew it (no innuendo intended).

At this point, I think it's safe to say that Thomas will stay completely stagnant as a character for the rest of the show's run.

I'm still hoping they'll bring back Don for a future episode. We need more of his sugar.

This movie oddly never scared the living shit out of me as a kid. Probably because I was used to that kind of nasty violence in my home growing up.

I really have no least favorite episodes, so I'm just gonna go through my Top 10 favorites.

It truly was a shocker. That mystery had eluded my grasp since the first episode.

I think so, actually. After all, Disney announced a while back that there'll be a Good Luck Charlie episode next year featuring open lesbian parents.

Not at all. Waddles' scared expression almost made me well up with tears.

I'll take the former option any day. It feels like torture having to wait for new seasons of South Park and The Venture Bros. when the time in between is so fucking long!

Are you sick of piles of owls constantly blocking your driveway?

Apparently, they also bathe in squirrels.

Exactly. It's one of the biggest reasons why this show works so well. They're siblings who genuinely care about each other, which is extremely rare to find in any show. It's that bond between Dipper and Mabel that makes them one of the best sibling duos ever imagined, right up there next to Bart and Lisa.

Gravity Falls = the ONLY show on Disney Channel that doesn't pussy out when it comes to violence, even if it is just showing a bloody nose