I would stalk her from my cubicle and obsessively try to touch her hands while leering and chortling creepily to myself.

Next on the hiring list?
The hot sorority girls with explosive diarrhea from Harold and Kumar blahblahblah White Castle.

We need Death Rain Cheetos.

*narrows eyes*

ME GUSTA CHINGAR CHICHES EHEHEHEHEHHH

Despereaux
Where kids learn that even retarded mice can achieve great things.

OH GOLLY GEE THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH
How many more of you vaginas were going to screech about the roof of your mouth? It's not like it's the barbed dong of Satan, it's a Chee-to!

Comparing him to Dane Cook is hyperbole at its most asinine, because Dane Cook is worse than watching all of your favorite family members die of cancer in the span of five minutes.

Damn. Thanks for your help with this gang, wo.

The joke will be on the "civilized", 'cause Ayn Rand sucks hard.

If it makes me embarrassingly hipster-ish, guilty as charged.

RE: Venkman's statement about politics in comedy -

I'm just baffled by it. There are way worse offenders in the comedy world than Hicks. Just because it's a common fact that Mencia/Cook/et al are utterly unfunny incompetent shitheads who shouldn't even be on television doesn't mean that suddenly there needs to be some backlash against good comedians who helped pave…

Trying to figure out which pisses me off more…
this kid, or Jim Carrey's Downsy goddamn face bouncing at me from the ad in the page header. Both of them are mad punchable.

Well, I figured that Three Men and a Dingo would be the sequel, you heartless pre-emptive plagiarist bastard.

Plus Freddy vs. Preddy practically sells itself.

McRib, I'm intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter, because I am an unoriginal, wholly mediocre average American.

Nonsense, MPBC. Bill would shatter the watermelon like Michael Ironside in Scanners.

*eats shit, dies, is promptly hired as a writer for Project Runway and The Fashion Show*

Yeah, it's fucked. I wonder if he's going to take the kids to "Five for Five Filet-O-Fish Fridays" at McDonald's when they start verbally abusing the hired help just so that he can remind them where they came from: fuckin' in the parking lot of the Sherman Way McD's.