I would watch the shit out of that in a sketch comedy format.

I always thought I'd be uncontrollably excited during the preproduction for the Arrested Development reunion, but now I just feel dread for the almost inevitable disappointment of watching Gob do the chicken dance and thinking "Yep. There that is, just as I remember it."

I always thought I'd be uncontrollably excited during the preproduction for the Arrested Development reunion, but now I just feel dread for the almost inevitable disappointment of watching Gob do the chicken dance and thinking "Yep. There that is, just as I remember it."

Which is to say nothing of Billie's hair care expenditures.

Which is to say nothing of Billie's hair care expenditures.

*Sides split from yucking it up too hard*

*Sides split from yucking it up too hard*

I babysat on New Year's Eve for my aunt and uncle when I was in sixth grade for maybe five hours (six tops), and he gave me something like $80.  At the time, I had no idea what the value of labor was, or that it would be the most I would be paid per hour for something like a decade and a half.

Gimme 5 bees for a handjob, you'd say.

Coming, June of 2071: The 39 Steps Up

Coming, June of 2071: The 39 Steps Up

James Quall, everybody!

James Quall, everybody!

Agreed.  Relative to Manners, this album is texturally very similar and has plenty of hooks but it seems like the band is evolving past totally hook-driven pop songs.  Manners was like eating cotton candy- it was fun until the thrill of sugar wore off, at which point it became substance-less.  This album isn't a steak…

Agreed.  Relative to Manners, this album is texturally very similar and has plenty of hooks but it seems like the band is evolving past totally hook-driven pop songs.  Manners was like eating cotton candy- it was fun until the thrill of sugar wore off, at which point it became substance-less.  This album isn't a steak…

Sorry, I'm not planning on bothering with this album because I only listen to bands whose drummers invariably hit the bass drum on every single quarter note for the entire duration of the song.  Wait, what's that?  This is exactly that for 50 minutes?! Throw in vocals so gauzy they're the equivalent of listening to…

Sorry, I'm not planning on bothering with this album because I only listen to bands whose drummers invariably hit the bass drum on every single quarter note for the entire duration of the song.  Wait, what's that?  This is exactly that for 50 minutes?! Throw in vocals so gauzy they're the equivalent of listening to…

Calamine is still one of the best bands no one realizes is perfect for them.

Calamine is still one of the best bands no one realizes is perfect for them.

I'm not really interested in defending Bieber because I don't feel strongly about him one way or the other, but I will say that if every single identity declaration that I made in high school were to have been recorded by the popular press and seen by millions, I'd probably come off as prick too- in fact, I'd imagine…