I'll be in my bunk…trying to erase the mental image of the queen's wrinkled hand going anywhere near someone else's genitals.

I swear, developmentally disabled janitors are the most dangerous voting block in the country.

How else would you know if Cook Country 3rd District Circuit Court candidate James Ward is the Laurel Canyonest candidate?

I'm glad they managed to take time out of their busy schedule of having incredibly precise arguments with Metallica fans on YouTube over whether or not Kirk Hammett is better at guitar than Dave Mustaine.

"There's a knot in your oily blonde mullet!"
"Get it out, get it out!"

Whoa, why the hostility Lobsters?  Was that Godzilla collection you got not as good as you remember it?

It very well could be that.  In that one photo they always use, my eye is usually drawn away from the butts up into Ratner's bulging, chinless, unshaven visage.  The angle in that picture is probably his worst enemy.

Wait, maybe this is all part of a bigger lesson. Maybe we don't need Newsire updates to see The Big Book of Butts.  Maybe The Big Book of Butts was actually inside of us all along.

Nelson…Walter Mondale

My Last Words (Are Vote Santorum)

Certainly not the person whose endorsement is going to inform my vote in 2012!

" I don't like the creepy staring lady!"

Clinching it works for Santorum for a little while, but you have to duck walk like you mean it if you want to make it to the toilet without staining the carpet.

The question being, of course, "How did one person become rich as fuck" rather than "Why do we allow there to be people who are that comfortable when unemployment is hovering around 10%."

fut soldiers suck lol

Mustaine endorses, but who's listening?

His twitter account is pretty hilarious for virtue that it reconfirms how you always sort of knew he was barely literate. 
https://twitter.com/#!/Jose…

In fact, they wanted Bill Murray to play Master Splinter, but he apparently put the script through the shredder.

All we can say for certain at this point is that there is a liberal conspiracy happening and that we will suss it out in due time.

Here!  Have this slice of PIZZA!
[DONATELLO THRUSTS ARM AT AUDIENCE]