Nope, not with someone else's vagina.

It's called "like-farming". And if you get enough likes or retweets or meow-meow-beans, your account is monetized and Twitter pays you to say inane shit.

Better yet, there's speculation that someone in his administration hired someone to like-farm for him.

He clicks on every fucking one and complains. It's like the Yahoo comments section.

You know what's getting even older? Your constant complaints about the Trump articles.

I don't recall them ever referring to the candy by name, merely showing it. I could be wrong, as it's been about that long since I saw it and I always hated it.

Like Father, like Alien Son.

I'm indeed a lady person. And yes, this story does get weirder, as after no one took me up on the offer, I went out back to the smoking pit and threatened to light someone's man-bun on fire and then proceeded to have three lesbians try to give me a makeover.

The only people who've ever said "Ree-sees" are either ignorant dumbfucks or people intentionally rhyming with "Pee-sees".

I just paid for and arranged delivery of my deck materials. Deck goes up on the pool this weekend.

I was thisclose to finishing Parasite Eve on the PS1 when my college roommate (Suuuuuuuuuze) decided she'd had about enough of my subtle jabs at her existence and dunked the memory card.

If that's the worst you do while drinking gin … Gin makes Lemur fighty. The last time I went on a summer gin binge, I randomly challenged three chicks to a fist fight over bathroom line supremacy.

Classic Rewind on Sirius XM. Switching between that and XMU.

Just finishing up American Gods, moving on to FantasticLand, which is a novel that's allegedly a modern day Lord of the Flies set in a storm-ravaged amusement park. Sure, why not? Otherwise, The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell, which I read years ago very quickly in one drunken afternoon while laying in a hammock. …

Three months for me, even giving up the vapes now. Congrats, my fellow quitter!

I quite liked that movie, mainly because I like to look at Hunam and Hiddleston. The sets were gorgeous. It wasn't nearly as scary as promised, but it was an otherwise entertaining movie.

I saw The Shallows this weekend. I was rooting for the shark.

Ehhh. I'm playing VII again, on the iPad this time. The port is surprisingly playable with the Apple Pencil.

I like the cut of your jib.

I don't know about that, but between 1984 and 1987, the Brigantine Castle, Great Adventure Haunted Castle and Long Branch Haunted House all burned down. That's probably why we don't have many of these types of attractions left in Jersey - bad karma and tougher inspection laws.