"Saving Private Ryan."

[Breaks baton.]

Listen, it's really simple: when you have just two vowels in the same word in English, the first is long, and the second is silent. This is true whether the vowels are together ("caul") or not ("smile.") I read it in a college book, and I stand by it. (E. g., "book.")

"I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your, uh… horsemen of the apocalypse?"

But if it all sounds boring . . .
Then there's something wrong with this song

Quite apart from its ugliness, what distinguishes a McMansion is its inaccessability. In the classic Pittsburgh house, built when trolleys ran down every street, the porch and steps reach out to the curb. Often there are people on the front steps or the porch, because that is where people talk. (This happens on the…

Comparisons are odious. The best superhero is someone who thrills an adult movie-goer, or who allows one kid to jump down from the wall, shouting, "Batman!" (Ba-da-da-thump.)

It might also be worth reconsidering "O Dreamland," together with its sisters "Thursday's Child" and "Mama Don't Low." All three are on YouTube. The first is heavy-handed, but still striking. "Thursday's Child" evokes nothing but pity: pity for the beautiful little children sacrificed to a program which does not…

Not to mention the Medieval allegory.

So are we all.

The decimal point — where is the decimal point?

Great meter! But I don't know what would rhyme.

"I just assumed the most ridiculous, ironic thing would happen, and I was right."

They look like the creatures from Hieronymus Bosch. (His backgrounds are different.)

We set the trap, and you fall into it.

I'm sorry, I can't pay for the joy. I don't have the Fisher price.

Somebody wrote a book about Pittsburgh: "The Paris of Appalachia."

I feel Mr. Trump chose Pittsburgh because black people — particularly black professionals — are still underrepresented here. Another city might have too many . . . you know . . .

I kept on seeing YouTube clips of Noel Coward on "Together With Music." I finally saw the whole at the NYC TV museum. I'm afraid I didn't appreciate Mary Martin. "Please get off the stage so Coward can be there!" The show had been broadcast before I was born. It would have been a (wonderful) shock to switch from an…

"He's right — the family is not a circus!"