Jessie is the strongest competitor, and if she had a dick and Jordan didn't everyone would think so. Jordan is 4th, behind James and Eddie.

bri needs to have a come to jesus moment and say "I've decided I need to start tasting meat if I'm going to be the next Masterchef." if she has any chance to win this thing.

They didn't make sausage the way your sausage gets made, my friend, unless I missed the anus meats somewhere.

Robert Fripp threw this same hissy fit years ago, better than her, and he's more talented.

snape kills dumbledore.

Pro-tip:  Don't try and improve anything Graham cooks.  You probably can't do it.

Future Master Chef Contestants of America, memorize these magic words:

My ordering of pixar movies (from best to worst) is:

no no guys seriously, what she said was "my drink needs a jigger more melted butter."

I hate Norm MacDonald with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns.  I'm not sure why.  I just want to smash his face with a giant hunk of concrete until all that's left is a bloody pulp, every time I think of it.  I have no idea what he's done or if he's funny, I just know that every time I see is grinning face…

shut up about shakesper what is this english class i'm not reading it and you can't make me.  talk about the tv shows damnit, not the wikipedia summaries of shakespear plays you read to trick us into thinking you've actually engaged the skeakespeare plays.  i get that he's good, but what has he done lately?

These ads are for people who watch Stephen Colbert and don't get that it's parody.

that's the nature of authentic southern charm.

That comment about fat chefs is spiraling out of control.  Ramsay dislikes lazy chefs and then said most fat chefs are also lazy.  That doesn't mean he dislikes all fat chefs.  While he may be a living far side cartoon and a sell out whore and a shill for evil, Graham Elliot is certainly not a lazy chef.

Any contestant could say "I'm sorry I wasn't up to your standards, but I wasn't born with Lidia Bastianich's silver spoon in my mouth, asshole." at any time and pretty much deflate that little shit's bubble.

>Guillermo del Toro guest directing a David Cronenberg scripted episode of Hannibal.

I love Graham, but I have to wonder, has there ever been a steak that Graham didn't immediately want to shove into his fat face's food hole and inhale?

stop it people this hodor thing is not only worse than aids but more contagious.  at least aids has medicine that makes it better.

This was pretty fantastic.  My metal experience is pretty much limited to listening to tool and meshuggah at full volume while staring at the ceiling during the tail end of high dose mushroom and acid trips back in the day, and trying wolves in the throne room and not liking it.  But I do know my post-rock and my…

listen to music before we decide if we like this?  what is this, 1993?  That quaint idea is almost retro enough to be cool again but not quite.