Jewel with long hair and a pretty dress?

The Guy With the Dragon Tattoo TATTOO?

That family from Ang Lee's The Ice Storm seemed to really have it together.

I misread the title as: 
"Will Arnett-fueled anticipation kill our enjoyment ofArrested Development?"

Cool, now I can resume my spiritual ritual of not watching Richard Linklater films.

What happened to that student film where Joseph Gordon Levitt went full oral on another dude in a car? Or was that James Franco?

I'd say it's so bad, they'd need to start over from scratch. Sit the writers down with blank sheets of paper and crayons, and have them simply start over.

OK, then how about:

I'm sure the next sequel, 7ast And 7urious, will be even better. 

When I was younger I took a dump in a glass pitcher of fresh squeezed oranges. Although I was strangely proud of my "poop & juice" spectacle, it only made others angry and eventually I was grounded for a week.

No thanks. I'd much rather read George Takei's funny product reviews on Amazon.

Why is Leon The Professional pointing his gun at Vito Corleone in the photo above?

I'll check it out. Can't be any worse than SyFy's Defiance.

Wow, I thought this guy already had his own show on NBC, but you know, whiter. Guess NBC really does stand for No Black Comedians.

Travel to the laundromat down the street sure sounds attractive.

How about a documentary about Shia LaBeouf's new stunt schlong?

"Natalie Portman sure sounds like a huge mess."

No honorable mention of Nikolaj Coster-Waldau's right hand?

Where are all the awards for The Following?

No worries. BabyBoomers still have the Fox "News" Network to do all the spoon-feeding.