Trust me, in my mind, the Financial Analyst who stood me up still has more of my respect than Holocaust Denier Teacher.

When I saw him wearing a fedora, I panicked because I thought, "Oh christ, it's a jag fedora." He got points for wearing an honest to G-d Stetson instead of some hat he got for $20 at Hot Topic.

I'm starting to wonder if I should retitle my adventures column, "Here are some douchebags who shouldn't be teaching," because between this guy and Anus Physics, there are some to go around. Although there are also a lot of people who think I shouldn't be teaching because of my gender.

I should have mentioned I was wearing my menorah socks on this date.

Nope, special ed.

SO PROUD OF YOU

Since he has Erika Moen as a guest on Savage Lovecast, he could have at least linked to her comic on how to masturbate if you're a lady.

Always polite to do.

I've started writing a novel about a housing policy advocate who falls in love with a creative writing student in pre-Rahm Emanuel Chicago, but he then dies while out of state visiting his family. It's going well when I'm not busy being sick with colds.

Hmm, that conveniently coincides with my Spring Break, so I could easily drive down or take the train…

The Adventures of Other Guy

Did Vincent D'Onofrio fire his agent?

The only time someone being into astrology was endearing was when students were arguing over if a student was a Pisces and they mentioned her birthday. I said, "Oh, she's a Pisces. I know because I'm one." This seventh grader clasped her hands together and got big-eyed and said, "You're a Pisces too?!"

DELETE IT.

Goddamn, this thread is making my heart swell more than when I'm around my students. This is also reminding me of good times with the person I dated the longest.

I was raised Episcopalian and my mother worked hard to ensure I was a well-rounded, cultured person. If anything, a lot of my sexual repression and hangups come from growing up in Iowa where abstinence-only was taught, a lot of my classmates were very conservative and Evangelical, and my sister was very close-minded…

I'm not even in a relationship, but I don't understand how people have energy or time to cheat. I look at how many things some teachers do and I wonder how on earth they find the time.

I did have a dream where I had sex with with my 70-year-old boss (at the time) and it was actually really uncomfortable in the dream, not to mention it's the guy who is now running around outing me and telling me, "Your pronouns are stupid!"

I think then that goes to the fetishization of the MILF, although then we can go into the double standard where if a guy wants to have sex with a cougar or a MILF, he's a stud. If a woman wants to have sex with a significantly older man, she has daddy issues.

My dreams that are like that mostly consist of me managing to lose the packets for my students for math—the previous teacher magically made all of our textbooks disappear!—because I spend so much time copying every chapter and then assembling packets.