Get offa my schtick, bitch!

Keebler?
I never touched 'er!

"these"?

Of your wife.

Yes, I know. @avclub-f8f8c273f326be25421cc62737d24a9e:disqus is a fucking bitch!

Kimberley California: my new porn name.

Marshall stiffie!

Red wine and Ambien….give me spaghetti dick.

You can't teach an old trick new, dogs.

THREESOME! THREESOME! THREESOME!

Weighin' penis right now.

Featuring: more: colons.

I like Taylor Swift in a non-ironic, anal sex-y way.

Not even close to rhyming "soul sister" to "Mister Mister".

I like Carly Rae Jepsen in a non-ironic, anal sex-y kind of way.

Like rubber anal plugs?

I got kicked out of Scouts for eating Brownies.

Jope.

Popes don't retire.
They just enter a convent!

Postal Service isn't that good.
Yeah.
And World War II wasn't that bad.