If this is art, my dorm room was the fuckin' Louvre.

Dear Art -

Because the female praying mantises don’t want to see their partner’s face...*sinister smirk*

Thank you for understanding how much it hurts to read this. A lot of guys I know, even if they personally abhor this type of perspective, don't understand why it personally wounds women to hear it.

I’m a guy, and this horrifies me more than I can express.

“As you rape your wife don’t look her at her face, trust me guys, that’s just awkward.”

You know why female praying mantises eat their mates after they copulate? Because they know that assholes like this exist.

As a life long Christian woman this whole concept baffles me.

Ughhhhh this man has raped his wife dozens of times. You know it. I’m barely kidding when I say that writing that should be a sufficient confession to get him sent to jail.

I have a drag queen who lives in my basement and has a room just for gowns so Barbra Streisand and I are the pretty much the same person.

Total deathtrap in an earthquake. On the off chance you survive, you’re stuck in there with Babs.

I used to work at an auction house. Once I was supervising the packing of some paintings into a crate, and saw a stainless steel bucket in the middle of the floor. I was all, WTF is this? And got complete attitude of, “Ermahgerd, that’s JEFF KOONS. HOW do you not KNOW that.” Because it’s a fucking bucket, asshole.

I just came here to say that I love Oscar the Grouch! He is the only artist who works in the medium of trash that is worth a damn. The whole lot of ‘em can fuck right off.

I have worked in the arts for three years and I am still remarkably stupid when it comes to art. People will go ‘Oh, look at this painting! Isn’t a beautifully abstract realisation of the inherent futility of human existence?’ and I’ll be like ‘...yes, that is certainly a painting’.

Now I will forever resent my basement. It has cat litter, spiders and a lot of random old stuff I don’t know what to do with. It would not make a nice store. Also, it’s fucking gross.

“Trash is art is trash is art is trash.” -Yoko Ono

The cleaning staff were aspiring performance artists commenting on the disposable nature of culture.

I’ve seen Streisand’s house from a few hundred yards down the coast. It’s up on a bluff, so maybe there’s rock underneath it, but I sure as hell wouldn’t feel comfortable building something that elaborate below grade in that area. Malibu—especially the part between Pacific Coast Highway and the water—is a geological…

Amaze!

And after dinner, she said, ‘Do you want to see the mall?’ And Gaga and I were out of that chair so fast … We went down to the mall and spent an hour down there. She pulled out her collection of gowns from Funny Girland Hello, Dolly! And then she said, ‘Do you want frozen yogurt?’