I do not believe for one second that Tay Tay isn’t into signing a pre-nup. That girl did not get to where she is without being smart and real business savvy (and yes I know she has good advisers, but she’s obviously good at this shit too).

Gchat is dead to me after changing the format and creating “hangouts.” I'm old, I don't like change. Furthermore, stay off my lawn.

He hates her, yes? Every time she is styled by him she looks ridiculous.

Reading that just made me inhale probably a pretty dangerous amount of solid food. That’s exactly what Charlie Sheen said to Mario Lopez. Like you’re exactly right.

“I fingered that blonde lady backstage.”

Not an allergy request but a ridiculous coffee request. At one cafe where I used to work, we kept the milk and cream behind the counter and would pour it in for the customer ourselves unless they asked to do it. One woman asked for me to make her coffee “about your color.” Because I’m neither coffee nor milk, I have…

“How dare you mock the guy for not knowing what the beach is? Some people make it to age 50 without visiting the beach and somehow completely missing the ever-present representations of beaches in popular culture. Besides, many people suffer from Glorpman’s Syndrome, which is an inability to understand the…

“We look after them and ensure they get antenatal care and that they deliver properly and that they even get cesarean section when necessary.”

So no abortions then?

Females everywhere thank you for avoiding future relationships.

I thought we tried to treat things relatively here - you know, just because you’ve never experienced something, doesn’t mean no one has. Oh, and, you know, implying that I only date “fucking retards.” Nice. Bet you’re a blast at parties.

I’ve been in this situation before. To open up to someone like you never did before in your entire life, only to suddenly have the door slammed in your face... metaphorically speaking. It leaves you speechless and ashamed. And then something inside of you says “See? I told you to be carefull. You knew this was going…

a steaming towel draped over my face to open pores and remove ickies

I know! Another thing I hate is when people say “Led Zeppelin rules” because what about meeee? I’m not in Led Zeppelin. Don’t I rule too? People need to stop saying nice things about groups that I don’t belong to.

FLOTUS is amazing and I love pretty much everything she does. Kill it, girlfriend. Black girls DO rock.

I just found out a guy I know in a professional capacity and had always assumed was a few years ahead of me is, in fact, a few years younger without relevant professional experience! But, he talks like a Dad, like he’s got all this relevant life experience, you know what I mean? So here I’ve been listening to…

He looks like Councilman Jam!

you can't get rid of the babadook

I came here to quietly snicker over all of the horrendous tattoos that I thought I'd see, but I actually love them all! Very awesome all around.

Deer became a theme of our wedding somewhere along the way and we love to camp. Went to Zion and Glacier for our honeymoon!

I just (on Friday) had the most sickeningly mature and mutually amicable break up in the history of ever (or, at least, in my circle of friends). It's sort of worrying me because I'm wondering now if I ever really loved him at all - I should feel SOMETHING after breaking up with my boyfriend of 18 months, right?…