Why is this on Jalopnik, when there’s a Foxtrot Alpha website?

Yup, not the kind of thing that would happen to a superior clutch ninja.

We’ve emailed Volkswagen for additional comment, and will update if we hear back.

“OH HEY GUYZZZ! DON’T MIND ME! JUST BEING A COP”

In before typical gawker commenters label this guy a dangerous menace to society and call for him to be imprisoned for life.

Clear.

Probably because they are $2k before optics, and because no one like CSGO past the age of 25...

pah.. your fancy armor merely delays the inevitable hipster uprising

“armor piercing rounds”

HARUMPH GRUMPF THIS IS WHY I DON’T VALET LOOK AT ME I’M SUCH A RESPONSIBLE PERSON UNLIKE THIS GENTLEMAN HARUMPH I GUESS YOU SHOULD BE GLAD YOU HAD VALET MODE AM I RIGHT BUDDY?!?!

Hellcat?

Dear NASCAR:

For every five layups Dion Waiters misses, someone connected to this organization dies. This is the only logical takeaway here.

Dear Google,

Reminds me of the early Murcielago dashs:

And to anyone who disagrees...

You’re welcome.

If anyone here thought this song was even remotely interesting you owe it to yourself to watch “Turbo Kid” on Netflix.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW.

Needs an alligator in there some where to complete the story