Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna open a comic book store for jocks! Some sucker is gonna take these NFL Superpro issues off my hands.

Does running to the fridge count as a work out?

Something something emeritits.

He was Jared Leto.

"With the hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin', they don't know what the Stones are all about."

I know, right? I may be a fat, balding, jobless, 33 year old, but you gotta have standards.

You're Gene Hackman?

Something something ballin' ass to Lollapalooza.

The shitters contain potassium benzoate.

Dave Gorman?

We Need to Emasculate Kevin

You misspelled Don DeLillo.

"Be seeing you."

Resurrecting his career will be impossible, man.

"I keep telling you, he's 113 years old and he's dead."

Rough Riders?

We've all been there, man.

Torn Condom

The A.V. Club

I don't know about you, but I haven't been able to watch The Dick Cavett Show in decades.