I've been known to lovingly stroke and even stop and embrace my KitchenAid mixer when I walk by her. The other day my boyfriend came into the kitchen while I was making a cake just in time to hear me say, "Oh, you're such a dirty, dirty girl!" I also make sexy eyes at my Le Creuset bakeware.

here's hoping they are/were his.

My only fashion pet peeves when traveling are when people wear dirty clothes that smell bad or clothes that expose too much skin. Or MOST OF ALL, the garbage monsters who do not wear socks and take off their shoes for the entire flight. Unless you got a pedicure in the terminal while waiting for the flight, that's not…

I wear a tuxedo when I fly, but only on flights after 6pm.

Sarah Silverman is hilarious. This isn't ~IRL~ though so you can safely assume I'm a lying robot.

Goodbye password123 and hello password321.

Other things that started with/by John Mayer:

Adam Driver is really gross.

No one can ever replace Carol Burnett and Tim Curry.

I converted the spare bedroom into a library and people treat me like a mutant for owning 100s and 100s of books.

You've gotta read better grown up books! There are so many that have stayed with me for years and years. I won't be so presumptuous to just drop a bunch of recommendations on you. But if you want recommendations, I am totally your girl.

We need a

Billion, although I almost considered keeping the missed word because the idea of her getting all these accolades on a dollar fifty is hilarious.

Genius! I am so going to do that next time I see a Skymall! YOU ARE MY IDOL!

Now I can wear my skinny jeans when I propose.

Oh Joe, be still my heart! There are really just no words for how much I love that man!

What about Lana.....Lana..... LAAAAAAAAANAAAAAAAAAA?

I'm not sure that's the correct use of vapid. She's a happy lively kid living it up more than most kids get to. Seems legit to me.

She's not the one who said that, watch again.

Put this thing in front of them and get them to operate it.