You’re over-thinking it. Don’t have kids. Don’t go on a cruise.

She lost her license because she refused the breath test and her awesome parents took her car away.Her parents are the heroes here.

For sure the worst.

There’s a Tara in every college class. She never shuts up about how crazy she is.

2005? Oh shit you guys, I’m from 10 years in the future and I have to tell you...shit gets worse. Take all of your money out of the market in 2007, you’ll thank me.

Really? How is any team coached by Urban Meyer not hateable? He actively torpeoed an (admittedly hateable) football program, unleashed Tebow on the world, and definitely covered up a murderer’s gun crimes, and possibly an actual murder as well. How the fuck are you the DS college football guy???

This is probably well-known, but for years OSU actively petitioned publications to capitalize “The,” as in “The Ohio State University.” Like ACTIVELY PETITIONED (as far as I understand). Not only insisting on the article, but capitalizing it. That’s gotta say something about deep-seated institutional insecurities,…

“If you want to, for your own-self-empowerment, take personal responsibility because you feel like you need to for something you did, that is one thing,” she adds. “But you don’t get to make that statement for everybody else.”

I’m laughing because this is sad and true. Relevant:

she was sexting with family friend

Whose grandma are you? What kind of way is that to quote an article....

He very much does have cancer. And judging by SFK’s ROGERS-based phone, I’d guess Kevin is Canadian; thus, shitty insurance and weird legal decisions based on shitty insurance are completely unfathomable to him.

Nick Saban can’t be a dick, because he is a robot. You need human emotions to be a dick. My microwave isn’t a dick, it’s an object that does things. If I invited it to my niece’s birthday party it wouldn’t show up but that’s just because it’s an activity not related to microwaving so it seems unfair to judge it for…

But:

Imma guess the Illuminati cut you off before you could finish

I am also into the glittery jumpsuit, but not the jacket. I’d wear it with a sensible blazer, like a professional.

Renae Plant impresses me as the Dolores Umbridge of pre-school headmasters.

After being dead for 18 years, my father in law still has a stalker.

Don’t, it’ll only drive me further away...

Furrows brow, “He can sleep in my bed... if he wants.”