I know Britney has had her trials and tribulations and I wouldn’t want to go through any of what she’s been through, but just once in my life I would like to experience what it’s like to be that attractive. To be able to look in a mirror and think “Lookin’ good!” instead of “Good lord, man, you belong in a bell tower.”

Did the piano man tell him that his wife was the most beautiful woman in the world, thus Trump was by association the most powerful man in the world? Did he tell him that he envied his thick hair? Or that he hoped to someday be as much a self-made man as Trump?

I never thought I would see the day when Brad Pitt was single and George Clooney was married. These are strange days.

Is Brad pregnant? Sources say yes and he’s doing it to fill the void from his divorce. Revealing baby bump bikini pics on page 12.

Especially when it comes to disputes over land.

Seriously though, I wanted this to happen just so she could take the opportunity to remind all the tabloids and gossip rags to openly mourn and clutch the pearls over Brad’s single status as was done to her for so many years.

I’ve never watched James Corden’s show, just a few clips here and on twitter, but I have an irrational love for him.

Awakened, Kirstie. Awakened.

Ya know, I didn’t spend good money on this beauty pageant to listen to beautiful women. Gross.

“She was the worst Miss Universe contestant we ever had. The worst. The absolute worst. She was impossible... She was the winner”

My favorite moment was when Hillary said Machado is now an American citizen. Trump’s face! He was genuinely surprised, and not in a good way.

Donald Trump is really just an older version of the inarticulate assholes who bullied and teased me in middle school for being chubby. Just like them, he’s happy to tear down a person’s physical appearance, but as soon as you use an educated argument to counter him, he starts sputtering incoherent nonsense because he…

I’m 100% sure Kellyanne Conway did her level best to drill into his head how devastating the misogyny is (those ads are killing him), but it just didn’t register. He doesn’t seem to understand that it’s a problem for women, who are more than half of voters, as well as thinking men, or those with daughters and…

Between doubling down on calling a beauty queen fat and his insinuation that whoever hacked the DNC weighed 400 pounds Trump is revealing his weird focus on weight, and how much he obsesses over other people’s bodies. He clearly thinks gaining weight is the worst thing a person can possibly do. And he advocates for…

42 days, 18 hours and 25 minutes until the polls close in Virginia and Florida and our long national nightmare begins its fluorescent death knell

My wife is a forensic psychologist (profiling is her specialty) and she has mentioned that he has severe narcissism and mania. However, she does not believe that he is a psycho/sociopath because he obviously cares what others think of him.

I love* how Hillary being cheated on is a mark against her.

“If we’re going to do this, we gotta do it now! No one will remember it because they’ll be focused on that other split! We’ll have some privacy with this! Move move move!”