Mine happened on my 26th birthday. My chin was really, really itchy and I just kept scratching, and finally.. *POINK* Here's this wiry little bastard descending from my skin. Ugh.

I suspect that autocorrect was at play but can I put in a request for Like a Surgeon to become a thing? Because I would listen to that song ALL the fucking time (not a surgeon).

I tip my hat to you. I would also like to braid it.

I've got a full on beard. Whatever.

OH MY FUCKING GOD IKR?? Every time the screen goes all black during a movie or something, I have to fight the urge to be like "FLEEN MAH CHAT PAH, SOLO. HO HO HO HOOOO" and then put on a ski mask or something.

That's why I wind up marathoning so much TV on Netflix. That split-second where I catch my reflection in the black screen is too much to bear.

AM I TALKING REALLY LOUD? I FEEL LIKE I'M TALKING REALLY LOUD. SORRY, I WAS JUST LISTENING TO CARRIE BROWNSTEIN AND HER AWESOMENESS BLEW OUT MY EARDRUMS.

No, we have manecks. With man in them.

Cripes, it's bad enough that I look like Jabba the Hut in my laptop reflection. Thank God I don't have a cell phone.

Just visiting eh?

I'm sorry, Fred, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome Carrie is.

Fun fact. I work at a place where Mike Huckabee has visited on occasion. Mr. Huckabee is a full-tilt diva. We could hear him screaming at his entourage through the walls from several rooms away. I think it was over what the catered lunch was.

I can't even with this douche.

Way harsh, Tai.

Flouncydress Dougheyes

Bangs Cruiserbike. You know, if it's a boy.

Any guesses on the names?

I'm going with Masonjar Flowercrown or Ukelele Peterpancollar.

Somewhere in the Northwest, Ben Gibbard is writing a bummer of a song about this...but he was gonna write a bummer of a song anyway, he just has a topic now.

They are probably already shopping for tiny ukuleles.