EXCUSE ME, I WAS ASSURED HE'D BE FULLY REANIMATED AND CLOTHED IN FRESH FLESH

I want to come up with a clever response of a dead guy that we're missing here...

But Paul Newman in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Unf.

Well, young Stalin was sexy and not yet evil, so ...

Jimmy Stewart, 'nuff said.

Nick Drake: Would bang.

Duh.

Uh yeah, anyone who has ever gotten an IUD would know you need to dilate the cervix, with a pretty small (but long) tool, and that that's the most painful part.

What does distance have to do with anything in an age of Skype and social networking? Plenty of British students jet off to Australia and New Zealand (distance from London to Sydney is 10,553 miles) with no cult awaiting them downunder to act as a 'family substitute' ;-)

Of course appearances matter. But there's a huge difference between laying out rules that require being neat and well-grommed and laying out rules that attempt to establish a group of identical fembots, which is what this sorority is doing.

I teach college and have ample experience with all sorts of Greek organizations, but I'm not debating them, I'm analyzing this particular email.

Yabbut dimes to doughnuts you don't go into a job interview with plastic prom nails, ironed hair and a breath-robbing girdle, either.

The bland colors and standard clothing is there as a training lesson for a real life professional job interview.

I just got my period today so I am awash in hormones but for real, I'm taking this totally personally, like this email was addressed to wavy-haired, nail-polish & spanx-free-me with a P.S. to my less than perfect eyebrows. I...I feel like a cavewoman comparing my life in college to these creatures of comfort. I was…

Only plebs and hippies do waves. Duh.

you have to fucking straighten it hermione did you not see the memo

I know. My hair is wavy! If I make it straight, it won't stay. If I make it curly, it won't stay. I guess I wouldn't be in that sorority. Mostly because I'm not skinny, but the hair too.

A job interview that requires you to wear Spanx is not a job interview that any sane woman should want to go on.

ALL THESE SPARSE EYEBROWS ARE RUINING EVERYTHING

The entitlement in telling another woman what to do with her eyebrows. I just — not to be obnoxious about it, but this is how women enact and enforce the patriarchy on one another.

What I heard: The most important thing to learn in college is conformity. It is not the time to experiment with ideas and finding your style! If you want to advance to the basic bitch big leagues when you graduate now is them time to stop thinking and start bronzing.