Other than he keeps doing the same thing and the majority of people are reacting negatively, yet he keeps doing it? "Bitches" was hyperbole on my part, just wondering why he would continue an action that is obviously garnering negative reaction.

Nope. When a guy compliments you in an abusive way, they are "paying" you the compliment in order to illicit your compliance. To what? Who knows? To flirting with them. To smiling at them. To boosting their ego by making them think they have the power to enchant a woman they find attractive. To actually making the…

We don't only think all men want only to fuck us! It's just that it's hard to tell the nice dudes coming out of nowhere to tell you what they think of your attractiveness from the horrible dudes coming out of nowhere to tell you what they think of your attractiveness when you're only one sentence in.

I actually do understand what you are saying. The problem is that compliments from "nice" men don't exist in a bubble where men respect women most of the time and judge them on more than just their appearance. Quite the opposite in fact. We are sick of feeling as though our worth is based on the approval of our looks…

It's hard to figure out, sometimes, exactly why a "compliment" like this can feel just as gross as a lewd catcall. But, as I see it, this is why:

In all fairness, I have never met 2 people in a relationship who could manage to agree on temperature.

Yes, what is that? I used to get that one ALL the time, 'Smile!', 'Where's your smile?', etc. while walking on campus. It always bothered me and confused me all at the same time. Why? Why are you, a perfect stranger, telling me to smile?? Do you tell random dudes to smile?

Whether or not they find you attractive isn't the question. The question is whether or not it's appropriate to take someone else's time and emotional energy to make sure that they know that they pass muster, in your eyes.

"men are direct. if they say you're pretty it's because that's what they were thinking. and so they said it. end of story. it's not complex."

I wish I could post a GIF of applause right now.

It's certainly not a compliment when he has to be ABSOLUTELY SURE YOU HEARD HIM DID YOU HEAR HIM BECAUSE THAT'S IMPORTANT!

almost zero men

I am also a gay man and sometimes want to shoot myself when I see other gay men using their gay maleness as an excuse for their shitty gay misogyny. I sometimes want to say "maybe instead of gay mansplaining, you could actually read what the woman wrote and not be such a gay dick."

Yup. Well put. If it was really *just a compliment* he wouldn't have needed any response at all, and would have been perfectly find with her not hearing him or ignoring him. No, what he wanted was her to validate his presence and give him attention, and he did so by forcing a compliment on her then demanding a reply.

If it was "just a compliment" he wouldn't have felt the urge to tell her three times and get right up in her ear to make sure she heard it - made sure she validated him - made sure she KNEW what he wanted her to hear. This wasn't a compliment, it's a lot different and it feels a lot different in the moment. I'm sure…

I once had a little old man say, "That's such a lovely dress. Did you sew it yourself? You look so fresh and cool." That was memorable.

I'm not sure where I said I thought all this man wanted to do was fuck me. I believe I was clear on that it made me deeply uncomfortable on a variety of levels, one being that it made me feel like a shiny bauble instead of a person. Also, nice interactions? Do you mean, UNWANTED interactions? Sorry, nope and nope.

If it's truly a compliment, then he shouldn't expect anything in response. These guys see "compliments" as favors. He did you a favor by saying he liked your outfit, and now you owe him something in return.

I'm with you on this, it just seems....bizarre. I'm trying to think of all the things I would consider appropriate to a pretty girl I didn't know and....the list is very very short

The other day at the convenience store, a guy in line behind me told me, "I like your get up". I pretended I didn't hear him. He repeated himself twice more. He got into my personal space to make sure I heard him. I felt so uncomfortable and I felt like saying something to him about me not dressing up for his…