I would love to have been exposed to this bullshit three times in my life. It’s been three times this week, and I’m still not buying any essential oils, nail wraps, or weird face wash.

The problem is I don’t think most MLM-involved friends are purposely thinking their friends are saps. That would also make them saps. Instead, they think they are legitimately trying to get their friends involved in a “exciting” “business” “opportunities.”

“The ceiling?”

That’s only because that’s the rage right now in schemeland. About a decade-15 years ago it was Pre Paid Legal, Real Estate, Mothballs in the gas tank, and plenty of dudes reading Rich Dad Poor Dad which primed them to sign up for every scheme out there. The sport drink market is where you find the boys now.

Anybody heard of World Ventures (w/ the “You Should Be Here” banners)? I let a friend talk me out of like $300 somehow 8 years back, and quickly moved on from that character-building lesson. Fast forward to last year, two close family members have pitched this to me, using the exact same powerpoint/video…

One of the many ways men are privileged over women is they don’t deal with the same constant bombardment of the-not-quite-Ponzi-scheme-but-somehow-even-more-awkward LulaRoe/Scentsy/Roden+Fields/body wrap sales pitches from high school classmates on Facebook.

No freaking way in hell - this show stresses my right out. Hildi was a nightmare. FUCKING FEATHERS - STRAW - these are simply not WALLCOVERINGS - EVER.

This show taught me to ALWAYS lawyer up if you’ve been arrested. The second anyone asks for a lawyer the detectives look like they want to cry.

True Story: My parent’s friends were on this show and they ended up with a PIRATE SHIP in their living room. They had to spend so much money redecorating.

Oh God. A Baby Story was a source of pre-sex ed horror for grade school me. To be honest, it may be why I’m on the fence about having kids now as a grown adult.

Andrew Dan-Jumbo or gtfo.

The epsiode I will never forget was the one where they were told the homeowner detested the color brown. They did everything in brown, and she sobbed hysterically when she saw it.

The first job I had out of grad school was at the UK company that produced the original version of this show, Changing Rooms. One night I was at the pub and I caught the latest episode, wherein one of the couples had a meltdown at how fucking UGLY the result was, including portraits of the couple as Nell Gywnn and…

Hildi or bust, man. I loved nearly everything she did before she went off the deep end with that pink circus tent and the hay and shit.

Amazing. Trading Spaces pioneered eye-searing designs that people in this day and age can’t imagine. You think Joanna Gaines’ compulsion to put gigantic clocks everywhere is annoying? There was an episode of Trading Spaces where they stapled hay to the walls to help with a barnyard theme.

I’m saying she’s anti BLM based on her own shitty ass tweets the ones no one forced her to post. And she did shit on Black people, in fact this bitch is exactly the type of pathetic fool who tries to play up being “one of the good ones” by talking shit about the rest of us to white people. She’ll claim that Black…

Here is something I say to ppl who think I owe them an explanation about xyz of the black experience (bc I am so educated/nice/light-skinned/not that kind of black person/etc.):

It’s crazy hearing these stories from so many women of color, what we go through being the true majority on earth, yet being shown a beauty standard that is not ours. From commercials to billboards to freaking greeting cards, to that rediculous American Girl Doll, where the girl marketed to us was literally a Fucking…

The whole thing of people just feeling it appropriate to come up and ask you “where are you from?” just astounds me. im adopted, and i know nothing of my biological roots. my adoptive parents are swedish and german, and i mean for all intents and purposes i’m “white”. but “white” is just ... nothing. theres not…

Alternate horrifying follow up question: “Say something in (language)!”