Doll, learn the difference between a laugh of recognition and laughter as a shock reaction before you assume Tosh's joke was a success.

My friend worked there with him too! Says he's just as sweet in person as he seems. Thus cementing my shoegazing crush forever and ever and ever, which I will use it to keep me warm during the end of days. It'll just be me and the apocalypse and a photo of the Gos ripped from a magazine and taped to a body pillow.

Funny, that's how I feel about people who make a big deal of putting out on Valentine's Day.

> Because apparently some adults actually think clowns are funny?

Yup yup! Once again: yay internet.

Yay! I dunno 'bout "very few," though. The internet's a rad place, but wander into an adult video store (I know! They're still around!) and it still seems pretty wall-of-meat.

Zooey Deschanel and James Deen. False unicorns or not, I would pay many moneys for that adult feature film.

Um, porn dudes are super muscley. Which is great and all as a power fantasy, but not so much what most women are into. Throw a dude into porn who looks less like a cartoon character and more like the coffee shop dude you've been nursing a fervent lady-boner for, and uh, yeah, you're more likely to watch his porn and…

OH MY GOD. So what you're saying is, he's the Zooey Deschanel of porn?

RYE IS THE BEST. I recommend Templeton Rye; it's not exactly mild, but flavorwise it's got this caramel, leather and smoke combination I love. For some reason, it's what the bartenders in bourbon-obsessed Oakland, Calif. seem to be drinking. But when it comes to the rye I want to snuggle all night like a threadbare,…

Good goddamn, yes.

Water, temperature and oxygen change the taste of a liquor, so the taste will shift over time, and it can be fun to taste the way it opens up as it heats up. The first sip of neat whiskey has a little less bite when it's cold, so you can taste the other flavors going on. It's fun!

Gonzo forever! Mad passion, a sense of adventure, an occasional flirt but at heart a one-chicken man. Not to mention he looks good in a tux and has a g-spot massager for a nose. Him, I could grow old with.

Not only is this the best thing I've read on the internet all week, I also TOTALLY want to listen to, like, half those bands.

Sure, guys are attracted to a "dude-like" sense of humor, during the ooh-challenging-each-other-double-dog-dare-you flirting phase. Once things get serious, they're way more likely to try to hammer it out of you.

> The words, as taken from their french, latin, or germanic roots necessarily have masculine and feminine forms.

I do. The words haven't been "reduced" to the masculine form; when women started working, people went all suffix-crazy on perfectly good, gender-irrelevant words to "feminize" the job titles. I mean, "aviatrix"? Really? That's like saying "lady writer." Ew.

Aww, yeah, anyone else blow 12 hours in a row doin' it on GHB?

Another badly married husbands is Thomas Hardy's "Jude the Obscure." The ending of that book broke my heart so hard, I haven't read it again in ten years.