If you took all the fucks Ibra gives and added all the fucks Megan Rapinoe gives and doubled that you’d still have fewer than 1 fuvks, which is the minimum number of fucks you could give if you still had fucks to give..

i’d like to think i’d handle my success more gracefully than this were i to go play basketball for the local middle school.

Go watch a bunch of street fights and here’s what you’ll see: A couple people pushing one another, then flailing wildly, and then someone lands a punch and one or both people fall down. Then there might be some wrestling. Pretty soon everyone is very tired and that’s about it. Cops show up and everyone runs away.…

Get that man some castanets.

ok, but in my defense, I’m an idiot

I acknowledge that you are entitled to this awful opinion.

“Just like f***in’ Munich ain’t it, Slick?”

I am going to say yes, because it was the Washington Nationals.

This is a damn fine list. I used to do radio play-by-play for a local wood-bat college summer league (Big Time!). Foul balls hitting cars in the parking lot was a pretty regular occurrence and always made for a fun time as I’d usually ditch the on-field action and provide play-by-play of the person going to check out…

They treated it basically like putting a piece of electric tape over the “check engine” light. The computer didn’t have enough RAM (I think like 2k?) to process all the data they were collecting to do this thing nobody had ever done before in conditions that couldn’t be simulated completely and they said “eh, we’re…

And no Public Health System...

This shit is why our country is so far behind every other country in general quality of life.

Sacks aren’t the only measure of effectiveness at the DE position.

Can someone even explain the benefits of not signing Clowney to a long term deal?

Kelly is an objectively awful person, but expressing joy that he’ll get brutally raped in prison is pretty fucking sadistic. Sexual violence in prisons, and the enabling of it, hurts way more people than just those who you deem “deserving”. And in any case, perhaps we as a society should hope that no one is ever…

I say this genuinely, not as a hipster — how long have you read Deadspin?

He lost that foot climbing mountains of refined sugar.

I once lied about eating the last two Oreos in the package. My wife asked me if I’d eaten them and I said yes and she got mad. But I actually hadn’t eaten them yet. I lied about having already eaten them just so I could save them for later and eat them while she took our daughter to soccer practice. And then I ate…