No, you aren’t “genuinely confused.” But still, it deserves an explanation. There was a hearing. A judicial hearing. (OMG. Those exist in Brazil!!!1). At this hearing, they made what would be equivalent, but not exactly, to a plea deal in the American legal system. The judge decided, which is well within their powers,…

Your ignorance and ugly-americaness are showing. It’s not a good look.

No. I’m an American who went to law school in Brazil. I’m not a criminal law expert, but yes, the criminal law system has “alternative fines” as a form of punishment, instead of jail time, and it can either be community service or what they call “cesta básica,” which is a donation of, well, to translate literally, a…

Jesus. Are you an attorney in Brazil? Do you anything about their legal system. I do.

Yes, and of course you understand exactly how the Judiciary Branch and criminal law works in Brazil. Except you don't.

Wait what? Extortion? He’s being fined, FFS.

So glad I read everything with an implicit knowledge of the Oxford comma (rightfully omitted here, of course). That would have been an awkward threesome.

Simone Biles makes my heart skip a beat. What a fabulous young woman.

Usually, tho, I get a “hey, you.”

See, they are called sandwich cookies. I’m a purist. I object to a golden cookie, no matter how tasty, being called an Oreo.

No. Oreos have only one acceptable variation: double stuff, which is much better than original and should be the standard. Every single other flavor is a bastard that should be offed like a Robert Baratheon’s child who doesn't have a rowboat.

Is this an actual alternate ending or, like, a spoof they filmed as a joke or for the MTV movie awards? Because it’s that bad. I'm not a fan of the movie, but wtf? This is a completely different tone.

Well, they don’t because it would probably be considered wildly inappropriate by today’s standards. But hey, I love both those movies and desperately wanted to be like those girls. (I was not.)

Your taste is impeccable. He was delicious in the 80s. Have you seen Little Darlings? it’s problematic AF, but I saw it when I was, like, 12 or 13 and I thought he was the coolest guy ever.

You’re right. Olodum should have been there. I was just so damn delighted to see Paulinho da Viola and Elza Soares, I just melted.

Are you Brazilian? Part of my family is, and I lived there for many years when I was a kid!

Tom Scocca, he did. Cartier still has a Santos model. Santos Dumont was just that awesome.

Half-Brazilian here: they are bringing out the big musical guns. And the favela song is woke as hell “All I want is to happy, stroll around the favela where I was born, be proud, and aware that poor people have their place.”

Or, probably, it wasn’t exactly surgical. This is where she loses me. It’s disingenuous.

Very relevant to this post. Please click through.