Toronto, uh, finds a way.

“How many students said I exposed myself?” said Sharkey.

I’ve read through this three times and I’m still not sure if I’m supposed to be picking what is better or what is worse.

If he shits the bed? Have you had Chicago-style pizza?

Oh come on now. The tweet was perfectly worded and 100% rational. If he tweeted any other stream-of-consciousness garbage that he usually does we would be railing on him for not taking the day more seriously. And if he tweeted nothing at all there would be an article about how he didn’t even care enough about women to…

Way to not read or understand my comment... I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

Really makes my dad’s favorite way to threaten me, “I’ll hit you so hard your great grandkids will feel it,” seem way more fucked up.

In a related story, PETA slammed thunderstorms for startling and terrifying the nation’s dogs.

If it is fight or flight the penguins have only one option...

so you’re saying he’s leaving the Mets organization?

This guy definitely walks away from explosions without looking back.

She’s hatching an egg. Leave her alone. Lizard people don’t replenish themselves.

This sounds like a burger meant to be cooked to Medium Rare, and then thrown in the microwave for 5 minutes.

I only read one Chrichton book and that was Eaters of the Dead. I really liked it. 

I referred to a couple guys as “hipsters” the other day and boy did they get upset. Apparently the politically correct term is “conjoined twins”.

It disproportionately impacts the poor because they have less room to lose money. If you’re barely making ends meet 12% of your income is a catastrophic thing to lose. Meanwhile if you’re sitting on billions of dollars in profits 12% of your income, while obviously a larger amount of money, means far less to you.

In this boat story, I guess that guy’s playing the part of Odell Beckham Jr.

There’s no better place for jackin’ it than...San Diego

The last time the redskins thought they were in control of their own destiny, it manifested itself in a similarly poor fashion.

If HRC had asked him to be vice president we wouldn’t be in this mess. Single dumbest mistake.