Hollowed out. Filled with candy. 3 swings each.

I would like, halfway through the viewing, to be hauled up out of my coffin on wires and made to fly around the room like a menacing puppet whilst Mussorgsky’s Night on Bald Mountain plays. I don’t really care what happens after that. Like, just put me in the trash or something.

“What the hell is this shit!?”

I vote my ultimate girl crush

This week’s entries were so happy and heartwarming that from now on when there are depressing Kinja articles instead of posting kitten .gifs I will now post a link to this page.

There’s another factor related to that—a lot of players have complained that the crackdown on high tackling (because brain trauma is bad PR) have led to more knee and ankle injuries. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but a torn ACL is more noticeable and keeps a player out longer than a concussion does.

(You’re missing an important variable: the NFL has significantly cracked down on how tackles are made, as well as late hits that are more dangerous because they’re unexpected, over the last decade plus.

Yeah, it’s shocking that an old guy writing over 50 years ago would not get how this stuff works. Totally weird and shocking. Why didn’t he have the enlightened attitudes of people living decades after his death? I guess it’s a mystery we’ll never solve.

real conversation i’ve had with a tinder date

I love how it would have been perfectly acceptable to serve a couple 14 margaritas and watch them drive off if they had left a fat tip, but somehow it was being cheap that made them unfit to drive?

Wait, we’re applauding the guy who apparently overserved a couple and then called the cops on them because he didn’t like the tip?

“I’m not racist. Some of my best friends are Black...for Halloween.”

probably because of that big fuckin black shape in front of his face

Jerry Jones: [browses article] Hmm, this Howard guy makes a good point. Hey, Jason, let’s put Greg on offense!

“Let me educate you about wine,” he said.....

Obviously you’re not in academia...

“When he was done, I booked in into the kitchen, where I think I may have kicked the ice cream freezer and cried a little. Then the bartender started feeding me sympathy shots of Jameson and I can’t remember much else about that night”