BECAUSE HE WASN'T HARDCORE ENOUGH.

God, what is it about talk radio? I can turn it on and immediately tell it isn't news. The men (aka, usually all of the people talking, there never seem to be women on talk radio) always sound so SHRILL (seriously, why the hell do they all sound like they could be hosting a truck rally???) and smug and over-bloated…

Found out he didn't wash his hands after using the bathroom.

Ha! I can top that! I had a date with a guy who expected to drive my car! No, really, he thought I was going to hand my car keys over to him and let him drive! A guy who lost his license and did not own his own a car (he wrecked his parents) thought I, who had just met him, was going to hand over my car keys and let…

Agreed. My friend, who's also Jewish, went to meet her then fiancee's extended family. The first thing one of them say to her is, "We just need to get this out of the way, but our family doesn't believe the Holocaust actually happened." To this day I still don't know why she married into that family (her husband's no…

It is interesting that something which has been the norm in American society up until just very recently and is still the norm in many other societies you would call not even "remotely healthy."

Its great that you love your family! But that doesn't mean that its actually remotely healthy for you to still be living with them.

I went on a date that I kneeeeew was going to be bad (I was 19 and didn't have the fortitude to tell people to fuck off that I have now.) Sure enough, this guy told me about his theory that every baby should be paternity tested at birth so no man accidentally supported a kid that wasn't his. What kind of 19 year old…

The fabulous director John Waters says that if you go home with somebody and they don't have any books, don't fuck them. Leave at once. Because... just no. No candy for non-readers.

I'm with Stephen King that you have to be a reader to be a good writer. I don't make any judgement on what someone reads, but they need to be interacting with storytelling through written text. I understand not wanting to read in your own genre, but that doesn't excuse not reading anything ever.

I fucking hate U2 so I feel you.

Any Ayn Rand books on his bookshelf, liking Dave Matthews Band, dirty dishes in his sink, and considering Infinite Jest his favorite novel (no one actually reads a book that has that many footnotes).

I once went out with a guy who said he was a writer, and since I'm also a writer, I asked who some of his favorite authors were. He said,

Saying "I don't know what's wrong with you, my last three girlfriends got off from three minutes of missionary."

Didn't believe in vaccinations. Ended it right there.

Best use of a human shield in cinematic history.

NO BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A LIE HOW DARE YOU

I think that people who are happy in their own lives, well adjusted and without deep-seated issues just don't try to insinuate themselves in (let alone dedicate themselves to campaigning against) other people's private lives.

I got into trouble with my sister's neighborhood moms. One of them threw a model party complete with audition tapes for 6 yr olds. I taught my niece to say "I'M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS!" so she did to the camera, my sister thought it was hilarious but the other moms were pisssed!