Well, I know that's not true. AV Club commenters don't have friends. 

Counterpoint: no, it's not, it's awesome and convenient to not have to actually speak to others. 

Yeah. Emails aren’t safe, but leaving PHI right where Belinda the nosy-ass admin assistant can snoop on them is fine. HIPAA at its finest.

Should one encounter him, would it be morally justifiable to punch Michael Cera in the face? 

Sometime I just whip out an enormous dildo;  guaranteed silence. 

How else can you smugly prove to the world how much better you are? 

It’s no wonder Jesus is prophesied to slaughter entire armies at the Second Coming. My guy hasn’t eaten a good meal for over two thousand years. Hasn't even had a bite of kugel, the poor schmuck. 

If only there was a Simpsons quote I could utilize here. 

Jesus didn't ask for RSVPs to his huge fancy dinner, fellow traveler. 

Has anyone told them Glenn Frey is dead? 

wtf is bean dad lol

Serious question: why are you doing that with the asterisks? Is seeing the word itself traumatizing or triggering to victims? How does an asterisk help when we all know what word is being used? 

You don’t?

I obviously don’t want to be slaughtered like pigs by our new AI overlords, but it would be hilarious if the AI is “woke.” Right wingers would be so pissed.

Well, as you know, liberals are the real bigots for pointing out bigotry. It’s so mean. 

You ever think what a coincidence it is that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig’s disease?

More like “HollyWEIRD,” right? Thank Jesus for good men like Kevin Sorbo, knocking out those direct to video flicks for the Lord! 

Michael Imperioli has made his decision, now let him enforce it. 

God I hate Anna Kendrick 

It wasn’t terrible. There are definitely worse ways to kill a rainy Sunday afternoon with a seven year old.