Why not make this suspension permanent, and, in fact, universal to all sororities and fraternities? Between hazing deaths, extreme and fatal inebriation; sexual violence; racial discrimination; and widespread misogyny, these houses have proved their recklessness and irresponsibility, manifold.

Fresh tagliatelle is the best for anything ever, no exceptions. Best with lumber: tagliatelle. Best with itchy wool: tagliatelle. Best with city council meetings: tagliatelle.

Oooh that’s a great question.

You left out the question that the reporter asked Trump at the press conference in South Korea; which was a brilliant question and should turn into a talking point for anyone who wants gun regulation:

That mental health excuse would carry a lot more weight if the people using it weren’t actively ripping apart the healthcare safety net the mentally ill depend upon.

Of course, the unsaid postscript to the mental health excuse is “...and we’re not going to bother tackling that one, either.”

You tell me!

This show seems surreal, like Sean Hannity doing a cooking show or Alex Jones play a secondary character in a Tyler Perry movie. There’s something suspicious about it, but you can’t quite tell what it is since there’s no punchline.

Or you could just eat at home while musing on the fact that no one ever wants to go out to eat with you.

“Carbonara is great! Just get it without the cheese or bacon.”

OMG, because if she’s not requesting 60 zillion changes to the menu item, people won’t know how Super Duper Healthy she is, and if you’re Super Duper Healthy without an audience to witness your moral superiority, you may as well not even bother!

Joy Bauer’s food gets spit into a lot, I’m sure.

I feel like this ironically named Joy person is a joyless version of Chris Traeger before he realizes that fat makes everything taste better. Telling people to order like that is not only making eating out joyless, it is making life miserable for the poor kitchen crew.

Joy Bauer needs to not go to restaurants.

Sometimes when you stare into the void, the void thinks Santa just is white.

Joy Bauer said to go to a Chinese restaurant and order beef with broccoli but to substitute the beef with chicken

Now you mention it, it IS starting to take on that pulsating-void feeling of despair and yawning emptiness you get from a Rothko.

No, if you order that way I’m fucking leaving.

OMG DOES THIS MEAN CARLY RAE’S NEW ALBUM IS DROPPING???