So I guess my conclusion is that many people are willing to engage in all sorts of crimes for payoffs that just don’t make sense to me.

Shitty gift or deserved gift?

They’ve just moved to the “And if it did, it wasn’t that bad” part of Trump’s Litany Against Punishment.

It’s frustrating that the NFL can’t be more progressive like the PGA Tour and open up a hotline so viewers can report penalties directly to the league. Talk about a way to let your fans do your work for you.

You expect me to believe that there’s going to be some omnipotent Sky Judge with absolute power watching everything on the football field, and that he really cares how the game is played? Nice try.

Did it ever occur to anyone that perhaps the Chinese were mad about the Rockets assuming Russell Westbrook’s albatross of a contract and this was all an elaborate scam to get back at Morey for this?

Now now, there was never any evidence that Bat Boy was a vampire.

“Sparks aren’t everything. I had a whole roster full of ‘em, and we still got swept!”
-Derek Fisher

Mariota is an inert passer.

Pick the lounge chair furthest from the speakers and swipe through dating apps when the conversation seems to exclude you, which is often. Post a Story featuring the sunset glinting gold off the surface of the ocean beyond the saltwater pool. Caption it “Perfect ending to a perfect day,” hit refresh 20 times because…

Squat and crunch endlessly with her pink kettlebell and yoga ball. These are fun, right? Exercise is self-care, especially when the equipment is whimsical. Keep squatting and crunching until your body aches but your mind is quiet.

This is some deep existentialist terror inducing shit.

The article didn’t specify what kind of cheese they had stolen but witnesses who were on hand at the time of the men were apprehended report that the police informed the two men they were being arrested because “That’s nacho cheese”

They thought it would be a bries, but their attempts to jack all this cheese cost them their fr-edam.

Alternate article title: A tale of two men who lost their whey.

Yeah... if you’re going to risk going through life with multiple felonies on your record and conceivably even serve time, you should probably pick something that yields more than $14.5k a year apiece for you and your accomplice.

$50000? That’s a lot of cheddar.

They tried to steal a wheel of Swiss cheese, but their scheme had too many holes in it.

they are pretty much the only group of people in these dark times that I can rely on to be the absolute best of us all.