There once was an idiot from Limerick,

Does Canada even have jails or do they just accept a heartfelt apology?

The difference being she’s getting paid while the passengers are paying for the experience of not getting to their destination on time.

I’m not ashamed to state that there are tears in the corner of my eyes as I type this. I was gonna snark on politics, gun control, etc, but all that gets washed away when the beauty of the human spirit is on full display.

Today is 20 years since my rape. I did not need this shit today. I was mostly fine. Then I got this notification from WaPo and collapsed into tears in my front yard. I’m just done with this planet. 

Sure thing, great question and great username.

When I had to come in while sick, I did not announce it to customers if it was a cold, sinus infection, etc. I kept my hands constantly clean, NEVER put down a glass holding it by the by the rim (scream time: DON’T ANYONE EVER DO THIS!). Straws and tableware were already napkin-folded. I did not wipe my runny nose…

Two points:

1) For the server: Avoid TMI in general, unless the server was looking for some sympathy tip with the additional “I really need the money” comment. We all do.

2) For the diner: Celebrate the college kid’s graduation by making him/her cook dinner for everyone. This works regardless how tuition was financed: if…

$1 spicy tostada salad is delicious and a dollar.

Take a star for the The Critic reference.

“You’re not going to get me, Ralph Nader! FREEDOM!!!!”

Clever title is...well, clever!

It's Australia. The things that kill you there are usually small and don't broadcast their intent to kill you until you are already dead. Spiky and bad smelling is practically screaming "please eat me!" In Australia.

Every Sunday, I wage a war on my fitted sheet as I attempt to put it on my mattress, struggling to fit it around one corner as it pops off another.

In response to your opinion about tattoos, please see your other sentence:

This should have been published on The Takeout

Man, when they said their coffee is the bomb, they weren’t kidding!

I've always wanted to marry her.

Or catch the foul ball in the beer cup and then pound the beer. Padres fans know how it’s done...

Because it makes me think his compensation should be a bullet to the back of his head.